


This is not the end...

by Pififtyone



Series: I live, you die, we meet again [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Insanity, Love, Morally Ambiguous Character, Revenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-03-24 20:14:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3782860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pififtyone/pseuds/Pififtyone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is broken, haunted by those she has murdered to protect her own people. As she struggles to find herself in all the blood, she slowly begins to descend into insanity. Yet she has other problems to face, as the world around begins to spiral into war and death, Clarke must decide just how much she is willing to sacrifice to protect her own. But allies plot against her, threatening everything she has built. Author note- Season 3 kinda killed my passion for the show. Need to time and probably season 4 for inspiration.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Solitude

**Chapter 1**

'Nothing can be more dangerous than solitude'

 

She sits there. Waiting. For what? For redemption? For forgiveness? Clarke knows, in her heart, that she does not deserve forgiveness, that redemption comes at a cost, that for the life she took, the blood she split will stain her past forever. She looked up, and there he was just as she remembered him. He smiled at her; it made her want to cry for what she had lost. “Hello princess”, the figure said, Clarke looked away from him, she knew Finn was dead, she had killed him herself. “You have to get up, you have to keep moving”, she still ignored him, but this talking was new. She didn’t like. This was happening more and more now, a month after she conquered the mountain and left Camp Jaha, it started at first as just seeing him in the corner of her eye and had progressed from there.

Eventually he gave up, and left her to herself, disappearing into forest. Snow begins to fall, softly at first, slowly drifting down from the heaven, gracefully gliding down to the Earth below. She let out a breath, a mist that escaped her mouth and rose into the air. Pushing herself up, Clarke brushed of the snow and frost that had slowly began to form on her, she had lost track of time, but she estimated she had be sitting there for about a day. That was another worrying thing developing, sometimes she would just sit in a place and seem to stop, then just suddenly return, exiting the dream like state.

Looking round, she found her spear lying in the snow. She had carved several in her time in exile, each one becoming stronger than the last, becoming deadlier. She was beginning to learn how to survive, at first it was tough, avoiding toxic nut and fruits, learning where to camp and where not to, learning how to build a camp. But she had mastered all of that, conquered ever challenge thrown her way, passed every test. Yet still she struggled with one problem, why? Why should she live, when she murder hundreds of other innocent people, when she almost got Murphy hung, when she killed Finn…when she eradiated level five in the mountain. Her hands were not stained with blood; they were dripping in it, leaving mess in their wake.

She slowly trudged to her camp, leaving footprints in the fresh snow. She returned to her camp empty handed, again. She had gone out to catch an animal, but she phased out and the opportunity passed. She sighed, not looking forward to the meals of nuts and berries she would have to survive on this winter, most animals would be going into hibernation now. She took a sip of water for a pouch hidden in the undergrowth. Lighting a fire, she sat, staring into the flame remembering those she has loved and lost, Wells, Finn, even Lexa if that counts. Suddenly Clarke hears something, a snapping of a twig followed by a sound of something falling and hitting the snow. She reaches for her spear, grateful for the comfort it provides her with. Quietly she raised herself off the ground and slowly moves towards the location of the sound.

Keeping low as she moved, Clarke slowly moved towards the area she heard the sound from. As she looked down she saw a trail in the snow, with red splotches of blood marring the perfect whiteness of the snow, taking a deep breath, trying to suppress the nerves, she followed it. After about fifty metres she came across a body of a grounder. He was lying face down in the snow. His neck was at an odd angle, violently snapped. She looked around and saw a set of tracks leading off, human tracks, this wasn’t Pauna, this was a person. Clarke racked her brain, trying to think of who would have done it, certainly not the Sky People; they wouldn’t dare threaten open war with the grounders, not yet. Grounders wouldn’t have done this either though, for as far as Clarke knew the twelve tribes had left in peace.

She wondered whether or not to follow the tracks to see where they lead, but she decided against it right now she had bigger problems. Looking down at the grounder, she saw that he still had much of his gear on him, including his sword. All she had with her was a knife, the canteen and the clothes she was wearing, nothing. She would have just felt guilty taking anything more than that. She did have the handgun with her, but she had it wrapped away in a cloth back at her camp. She wasn't sure if she would be able to ever use it again after what had happen at the mountain, after she shot Dante.

She bent down and picked up the sword, looking at it. It was crude in its making, but so were all the grounder weapons, however they were effective. She knelt down and started taking of items and clothing off of the body, leaving something in place out of a sense of decency and respect for the fallen warrior. As she left, she propped the body up against a tree, in the hopes another grounder might find it and give the warrior a proper burial.

Returning to her camp with the loot acquired, she separated it and started placing it away. When she turned to face the fire, she saw Finn sitting there, poking a stick into the fire. Exasperated, she signed and said “What are you doing here Finn? What do you want from me?” he looked up and smiled at her, his black hair hanging down from his head. To Clarke’s horror she noticed a red, growing patch on the left side of his torso, right where she had stabbed him. Before he spoke a second man appear before her, next to Finn, he was older, much older with balding white hair.

Clarke leapt up, surprised, “Dante!” she exclaimed, staring in horror at him, but the bullet wound in his body, blood pouring from it, no gushing in rivers. Her whole body began to shake and shiver. Another person appeared beside Dante, a girl of about Clarke’s age, with curly dark hair, on the sight of her Clarke let out a sob. “Maya?” she whispers. At first nothing appears unusual, but slowly her face begins to peel and burn as if in a fire, and all Clarke can do is watch in horror. Suddenly more and more people begin to appear, surrounding her, pressing in on her, circling. Clarke begins to back up, tripping over herself. Soon she finds her back against a tree trunk and she can’t go further.

They surround her now, everyone she has killed, the 250 people from TonDC, the people eradiated on level five in the mountain, the eighteen people Finn killed, all of them her burden to bear. Her cross. Dante smiles and softly says “Hello Clarke, it’s been a while”


	2. Requiem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke delves into herself and faces up to her demons, while a watcher on becomes the bearer of strange news.

**Chapter 2**

 

 

'The more one judges, the less one loves'

Tears rolled down Clarke’s cheeks as she looked up into the face of the dead man, returning his calm expression with one of horror. “L-leave me alone Dante.” Clarke whimpered, half-heartedly, for she knew that this would not be over soon. The spectre laughed and squatted down on to its haunches, “Now, now all I want to do is talk Clarke, just to talk about what you did.” His face seemed to be stretched into a fake smile. Clarke spat onto the ground, “I don’t need to explain myself to you, I don’t need to explain anything to any of you.” She shouted, trying to keep the fear out of her voice, lest they think her weak and vulnerable.

Hidden in the undergrowth and bushes around her, a grounder scout watched with bewilderment as the Skaikru Heda(Sky people commander) argue with thin air and shouted at it, seeming to be surround by foes, yet no one was there. This was troubling news indeed.

Dante’s face remained neutral during Clarke’s words, but now as she finished, an vengeful anger slowly began to seep into it. “Oh, but you do Clarke, you do indeed. What about the children you killed, huh? Did they deserve to die? Or Maya? For Christ sake she helped you, and look how that turned out. She dead! Because of YOU! And you alone Clarke.” The anger was clear in his words, venom dripping from what he said, stinging Clarke with their harsh rebuke. He continued “Or what about the people, your own people, who you let die at TonDC? Did they deserve to die?” His face was now inches away from Clarke’s spittle seemed to hit her with every syllable he said. Impossible and yet…He continued know, pure rage in his eyes “Or me? Clarke, what about ME? I looked after you friends while I could, I tried to as best I could, but you still shot me….MURDER!” The last part he shouted with all the hatred he appeared to be able to muster. Clarke turned away, enraging Dante further “LOOK AT ME CLARKE! LOOK AT ME!”

Clarke stopped crying, and wiped the tears of her cheeks, a new steel appearing in her eyes, strong steel forged in a special fire in a person’s heart, an all-consuming steel. She looked up, pushing herself away from the tree and looking into the eyes of Dante, all around her, the dead were chant “Murderer, murderer, murderer….” Starting softly at first, but growing to a shout and then a deafening roar. Clarke looked around at the dead and roared right back at them “SILENCE!” They stopped immediately, stunned. She continued “I did what I did, for my people. I have done everything for them. I let the TonDC victims die for them, I killed the mountain men for them, I would walk through the fires of hell and back again, for them. But I can’t be near them, not after what I did. They will look at me differently; they will be scared of me, for I am scared of myself.” Slowly, the TonDC ghosts and the 18 disappeared, fading into the night. She spun around continuing the onslaught “I didn’t want to, but YOU…you wouldn’t do it any other way, you forced my hand. If you had just…we could have…it didn’t need to end like it did. I regret what I had to do, but given the chance I would do it AGAIN. IN A HEARTBEAT. For I would do anything to save my people, I am sorry for your deaths, but you were given an option, and you choose WRONG! YOU choose to push me; YOU choose to see if I would do it. Well guess what, I would! And you paid for your mistakes, no one else’s.” Slowly, one by one all the mountain men disappeared, leaving only Clarke and Finn there, regarding each other across the fire. For the first time in the encounter Finn spoke “And what about me Clarke, did you kill me for our people? Was I just another stepping stone?” at these words, Clarke sobbed the calm viciousness of them cut deeper than anything else had. Close to tears she replied “No, Finn. That was for Raven…and for me. We couldn’t watch you die that way, not after you gave up for us.” She wiped the tears out of her eyes, hardening her resolve, preparing for what she had to do next.

She looked into Finn’s eyes, no not Finn’s, Finn’s has life in them, a certain sparkle, these were cold and emotionless. She took a step forward, taking a deep breath…..and plunged the sword deep, deep into Finn’s chest. A look of surprised became fixed on Finn’s face, “Well, that was unexpected” he rasped, falling to his knees. Clarke looked down at him, tears once again threatening to form, “I’m sorry Finn, but you are a weakness, and I can’t have any weaknesses right now.” Clarke said, apologetically, watching as Finn’s body disintegrated “Yu gonplei ste odon(Your fight is over)” she whispered picking up and sheathing the knife that fell to the ground.

Away, hidden in the bushes, the grounder scout quickly backed away, fearing that the Skaikru Heda had lost her mind, and wondering what the Heda(commander) would make of this back at, what was left of, TonDC. She slowly backed out of the undergrowth, but stopped, looking at the sword the Skaikru Heda was carrying, it was Trigedakru(Tree people) in its make. But no warrior would give up their blade willingly. With a new sense of growing dread at what had occurred, the scout turned on her heels and fled back to her camp.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Back at TonDC, Lexa was preparing to return to Polis, where she was needed to solve a dispute between her clan and another clan. She sighed, annoyed at how easily the clans once again started to squabble with each other. The tent flaps burst open, and Indra came in, a dark expression, like a thunder storm, on her face. Lexa knew something wrong. “Heda” Indra said “one of our scouts has returned with disturbing news, I think you will want to hear what she has to say” Lexa sighed again, command was a burden, often preventing personal occasions. She made a gesture for Indra to lead on, and followed her out of the tent.

Much of TonDC was still in ruin after the missile sent by the Mountain Men hit, a crater lay where the centre had once been. The scout was by the main gate, agitation clear in her stance. At the sight of Lexa she stiffened, showing the warrior training. As the approached, Indra ordered her to fill the commander in on what she had seen. The scout looked into Lexa’s eyes and quietly whispered “To the South-West of here, by a frozen lake, I came across a small shelter hidden in the undergrowth. It belonged to the Skai Heda.” Lexa’s eyes widen, but managed to prevent herself from having a sharp intake of breath. Indra knew what this meant to her, but the scout need not. The scout continued “But she has… she talks to trikova(shadows). She is not well. I also saw her with a sword…..one of our warrior’s swords.” After the scout had finished, Lexa looked away for a second, thinking on what course of action she will take, really it was to help suppress her emotions to not show weakness. She thanked the scout and dismissed her, turning to Indra saying “I must find her, she is out there alone. I have to help her.” In Indra’s eyes Lexa saw disapproval, but Indra would not refuse what Lexa wanted, no matter how much she disagreed with it. Lexa returned to her tent and began to gather supplies. This reunion was going to be interesting.


	3. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are reunited, but things take a strange turn. Bellamy at Camp Jaha receives long-awaited news. But as goodness enters, so does bad, far away a dark tide is heading towards the survivors, something that they may have never faced before.

**Chapter 3**

'Until this moment, I had not realized that someone could break your heart twice, along the very same fault lines.

Three days later 

Lexa started off in the direction of where the scout had told her that Clarke was living, having left the rebuilding of TonDC to Indra to finish. As she headed south-west, a messenger was sent to the Sky People at their camp, informing them that she had found Clarke. The brisk winter chill nipped at her exposed skin, causing her to start glowing red from the cold. Her breath frozen on the cloth wrapped around her face, causing it to become heavy and damp. In her right hand she carried a staff, and made good use of it, using it to help her wade through the knee deep snow, leaving a trail in her wake. She looked off into the distance, in the direction of Clarke, thinking Hold on Clarke. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Clarke was once again on the hunt, this time managing to track down a stag. Staying downwind of it, she carefully moved closer and closer towards it, spear arm raised and poised, her muscles screaming at her to throw. Suddenly it was now or never, the deer had looked up and spotted her, about to sprint off into the forest, and she let loose. It screamed through the air, moving faster and faster, gaining moment. It caught the deer right in the chest, sending it stumbling. But it still stood. Cursing her lack of training, Clarke quickly drew her sword and charged, tackling it before it could get its bearings.

Her sword flashed and she opened it up, but they kept on rolling over and over, the now dead, limp body covering Clarke with blood. Finally Clarke connected with a tree with a loud crack, sending spasms of pain shooting all over her body. And there she lay for a while, trapped between the carcass of her prey and a tree. Slowly, very slowly she pushed the animal away from her, allowing her to escape, and for the first time she managed to look at her prize.

It was a most impressive stag, with antlers as long as her forearms on either side of its head, its muscular body was hard to the touch, sinew and flesh melded together to form a strong being. Grabbing her sword, and looking mournfully at her broken spear, she picked up her prize and half carried, half dragged it back towards her camp. But as she drew nearer and nearer, she could hear the crunching of snow and the sharp intakes of breathes of someone in the cold. Dropping her prize and getting low, she saw a girl approach. The way she held herself, the way she moved, even what she wore, it could be only one person. Lexa. Inside Clarke’s emotions boiled and bubble, convulsed and thrashed. She wanted to hit Lexa and keep on hitting her, but she also wanted to hug her and hold her close.

She got up and started sprinting, as she neared closer, she roared “LEXA!” the anger seeping into her voice, the girl turned as Clarke connect her shoulder with her stomach, sending them both sprawling. Clarke was first to her feet, and she grabbed Lexa and throw her down a bank, but Lexa held on bring Clarke down with her. The rolled and wriggled, connecting with rocks and trees as they fell, leaving them both battered and bruised. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When they reached the bottom, Lexa flipped Clarke onto her back, her training bring her knife to Clarke’s throat before she could stop herself. They froze, unsure about what might happen next. Both breathing heavily, they lay there, deciding on what was best to do next. Clarke was the first to act, slowly raising her head, exposing her throat. Lexa was horrified, quickly sheathing the knife and rolling away from Clarke, getting to her feet. Clarke just laid there, the fight left her. Then, abruptly began to cry, tears streaming down her face, mixing with the blood on it and pouring of as a light red colour.

Lexa was unsure of what to do, this was not how she expected their meeting to progress, she had expected the anger, but not this, not the crying. Slowly she approached her, and gently placed her hand on to Clarke’s shoulder, slowly enveloping her in a hug. Clarke tried to shrug her off, but didn’t have the strength to. “I killed them” whispered Clarke “I killed them all, every last one of them, I watched them burn and die. I watched innocence and guilty perish, I watched allies die. And it was all my fault” she paused at that moment, looking up at Lexa “And yours” she added.

Lexa knew what she was talking about; she had expected an attack by the mountain men after they were able to come up to the surface. But she can’t imagine what Clarke had done until then, she realised that in a way, she had been responsible for the mass death Clarke had to do to get her people back. Lexa looked into Clarke’s blue eyes and replied “I’m sorry” Clarke’s eyes began to water, sparkling like water. “I don’t hate you because of what you did; I hate myself because I would have taken the same deal.” She sobbed, and Lexa held her tighter, gently rocking backwards and forwards, comforting her. But in her mind, she saw the look in Clarke’s eyes; saw that she was broken, that it was all her fault. 

Sadness filled Lexa’s heart, seeing what she had put Clarke through, tears threaten to form at her eyes. She didn't try to stop. She bowed her head forwards, resting her forehead of onto Clarke’s. A gasp escaped Clarke’s lips, sending shivers down Lexa's spine. Time stopped for them, the world carried on around them, leaving them in there own little bubble of the world.

But like all bubbles, it eventually had to burst bringing them crashing down into the real world. Lexa stood, bringing Clarke up with her, dragging her to her feet. Clarke composed herself and asked "Lexa, why are you here? And how did you find?" she was looking deep into Lexa’s eyes, it her very soul, searching for the truth. Lexa swallowed, fearing this moment. She thought for a moment,deciding best how to answer Clarke’s question. Cautiously she responded "I received news that you were out here in the forest, alone. And that you had a sword belonging to one of our warrior’s." she stopped, and returned Clarke’s deep stare with a searching one a of her. She continued "Clarke, I need to know if you killed them? Clarke I need to know! " ……………………………………………………………......……….

Back at Camp Jaha, Bellamy was trying to establish order after the loss of their people to the Mountain Men, but also Clarke to her own demons. He was temporarily in command, since Abby was still unable to walk and Marcus was not even stable enough to be in command, after witnessing the inhumane acts caused by the Mountain Men. A rider appeared at the entrance to Camp Jaha, stating that he had an urgent message for Bellamy. People weren’t very trusting of the grounders, not after they left them at the gates. But as Bellamy approached the rider, a tinkle went down his spine, a dark foreboding. The messenger looked down from his horse as Bellamy approached. It was simple, but brought a wave of relief to Bellamy “To the North-East, by a frozen lake, you will find your leader. You will find Clarke.” ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

But far, far away from TonDC and Camp Jaha, leagues away, a battle was finishing up. The enemy wounded and dying were quickly released. Prisoners were rounded up, and let go, sprinting off into the surrounding mountains. They would spread the word of what had happen and of what people should do. They would tell the story of the people who had had enough and rose up. They will tell of how they were cut down without mercy or emotion. They will tell the story of the great Khan.


	4. Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A old face appears, causing Clarke to lose herself, while the council of Camp Jaha have an important decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the final chapter, the name just refers to what happens in the chapter.

Chapter 4

'I'd made it this far and refused to give up because all my life I had always finished the race.'

“No! She left us, not the other way around.” Shouted Jasper, Bellamy sighed and looked at him, knowing he was still hurting after the loss of Maya, at Clarke’s hands. Ever since Bellamy had told him of Clarke’s whereabouts, he had seemed adamant that they should not bring her back. They were standing inside one of the rooms in the crashed Alpha station; Bellamy had convened a small council meeting, if it could be called that. In one corner of the room lay Abby, still recovering after the Mountain Men started taking her marrow, beside her stood Raven, who was still looking pale after her experience on the operating table. In the opposite corner stood Monty and Jasper, having been called here since they currently represented the 40. Marcus was also there, but he had been silent for the past hour, still damaged after what he saw in the Mountain.

Bellamy turned to Jasper saying “That doesn’t matter; she is still one of us, no matter what she has done in the past”, he paused for a moment, deciding whether or not to state the obvious, “Jasper…we all know that you are still hurting after the loss of Maya, but you can’t blame Clarke for that. She did what she had to do, we offered them another option, but they refused to take it.” He tried to remain calm, tried not to lose his temper. These last few weeks having been testing for him; without being able to share the burden with Clarke, he has had to make all the decisions alone.

Jasper didn't respond, Monty pulled him back into the corner before he could. Looking round, seeing if there were any other objections. “Then its agreed” he stated “We will go and find Clarke, and try to bring her back.” With that, the council dismissed, each going off to their respective areas. As Bellamy left, Abby grabbed pulling towards. Bending his knees, Bellamy became level with her head; he saw her eyes begin to water. With all the strength she could muster, Abby murmured “Bring home, please. Bring my daughter back to me.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Lexa stared at the pale body. Bits of it were covered in ice, some were even frozen solid. Yet, despite the oddly angled neck, the corpse seemed to be peaceful, serenely so. Clarke had told her the whole story, how she found the body and how she ended up with the sword. The body required a proper funeral, which, in turn, would require it to return to TonDC.

Grabbing on of the frozen legs, Lexa was preparing to haul it back to TonDC, she left Clarkes a few gifts to help her survive, mainly a new dagger and a better sword, replacing the one she had (which would return with the warrior, as it should). Saying her goodbyes to Clarke, she made her swear that she wouldn’t pack up and go somewhere else, but promised that she would return when she could to Clarke, to teach her more about survival. With goodbyes said, she began to drag the body back to TonDC, the snow providing little resistance to it.

About half an hour away from Clarke’s camp she heard a sound come from the bushes to her right, she stopped looking at the direction it came from. When it came for her, she was ready sword in hand…  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Clarke was out looking for nuts on the floor in the forest, when she once again came upon a track of footprints, much like the ones she found near the body of the grounder. No, exactly like the ones found near the grounder. Her interest peaked, but wary of danger, Clarke followed them; making sure she didn’t make too much noise. Realising where they were heading, she thought that they must have belonged to Lexa and was about to turn back when something stopped her. There just wasn’t something right about the prints, for one thing they were too big for Lexa’s boots, and for another thing…there were no drag marks, Lexa had the body with her which means there would be drag marks. But there were none here. Drawing her sword, Clarke began to follow at a faster rate now, worried about who owned the prints.

Coming across a track, Clarke saw a figure wrestling Lexa to the ground, trying to strangle her. He turned his face at the sound of approaching footsteps, Clarke recognised him, it was Emmerson, the last vaccinated security guard to escape Mount Weather. After she eradiated it, there had been no sign of him, but now here he was.  
A sudden flash of pain went through Clarke’s head, images and figures appearing and disappearing before her eyes. Squeezing her eyes shut, she held her head tightly in her hands, screaming her pain. Opening her eyes she saw Emmerson, a murderous gleam in his eyes and Lexa, trapped beneath him, unable to throw him. With a scream of bottled up rage and fury she charge, tackling Emmerson of Lexa, and down a bank. They rolled over and over again, eyes lock, faces in strained positions, fighting for control. Emmerson, his greater strength helping him, managed to get on top of Clarke, pinning her beneath his weight.

And then the punches began to rain down, hitting Clarke’s face, crunching into any exposed part of it, she tried to feebly protect herself, to block the punches, but he just knocked them aside. His hands found her neck and he began to squeezing, Clarke struggled to breath, she tried to jerk him of, to buck him or roll over. Darkness slowly began to enter her vision, appearing at the edges first, slowly moving inwards. Then through the darkness came a voice, one she had not heard in a long time.

“CLARKE! Fight, get up! FIGHT BACK!” It was her father’s voice, yelling at her desperation in his voice. “Don’t give up, don’t give in, don’t DIE”, her vision beginning to fade, she felt around finding the dagger Lexa had given her. With the last of her reserves failing, she plunged it deep into Emmerson’s chest, hearing him let out a roar and roll away. She gasped, sucking in a breath of life giving air. Turning her head she saw Emmerson flailing around, trying to remove the dagger. Pushing herself to her feet, she charged, with the world still dim, at Emmerson, sending him sprawling. She leapt onto him, yanking the dagger out and bringing it down into Emmerson’s chest, again and again, shrieking violently as she did so, her fury and rage channelled into one movement.

She didn’t know how long she had sat there, stabbing his body over and over and over again, her hands became covered in gore, bits of cartilage and lung covering them. Out of nowhere Lexa appeared, dragging Clarke of his body, still screaming. Her face appeared in her field of view her lips moving, but no sound escaping them. Then, suddenly she slapped her, her hand leaving a stinging mark on Clarke’s face, snapping her out of the bloodlust she was in. “….He’s dead Clarke, you got him, its finished.” A dazed Clarke looked into Lexa’s concerned eyes, but at the back masked by concern was fear, fear of what Clarke was turning into.


	5. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Clarke and Bellamy meet again, Lexa has to be careful about her's and Clarke's future. Lexa returns to Clarke to make help her, but doesn't tell her the whole story.

** Chapter 5 **

'If I got rid of my demons, I'd lose my angels'

_Two hours later_

Clarke sat by the stream, washing the blood off of her hands, trying to remove bits of flesh and lung trapped beneath her fingernails. It was not a pleasant experience. Her mind was blank, a distinct sense of calm had fallen over her, the voices had stopped, the pain in her head had stopped, and even the ghosts had stopped appearing. She sighed, the pressure of all she had been through seeming to disappear. Lexa had quickly returned to her village, pale as the body she was dragging. Clarke couldn’t blame her; Clarke herself was scared by the bloodlust that had over taken her.

When she had looted the Emmerson’s remains, she had found a rather unusual set of equipment in his pack, namely to be about 500g of explosives in his pack. He had probably kept it after he didn’t blow the door open in Mount Weather. But she also found his shock stick, his walkie-talkie and his pistol, with several magazines. Drying her hands on her clothes, she picked up the backpack and started the walk back to her camp, leaving footprints in the snow.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Bellamy ran through the forest, a small backpack on his back the only thing weighing him down. He jumped over logs, dodged past trees and slid down slopes. Out of breath he leaned against a log, breathing heavily as he looked around at the forest. The snow covered everything, hiding the paths used by the grounders; here it was difficult to tell where one was going without incredible knowledge of the surrounding area. Slowly, he pushed himself away from the tree heading off once again in the rough direction of the frozen lake.

After another five minutes of running, he came out of the forest onto the shore near the lake. Looking round, he couldn’t see any sign of a camp nearby, but just further up to the right of the lake he saw a campfire and a figure sitting next to it. He began to sprint round the lake heading towards the fire.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

As Lexa returned to TonDC, the guards were at first surprised at what Lexa was dragging behind her, but managed to regain their composure, stepping aside for her as she entered. Indra immediately spotted her, quickly walking over and indicating that Lexa should leave the body; as she dropped it; two other warriors came and dragged it off, for it to be prepared for its funeral. Lexa gestured for Indra to follow and headed off to her tent, Indra following her in her wake.

As she opened the tent flaps, she stepped inside and turned, waiting for Indra. When Indra entered, Lexa explained to her what had happened with her and Emmerson’s attack, leaving nothing out. After she finished Indra stood for a moment, thinking on what to make of Clarke’s situation. Lexa took a deep breath and stated, bluntly “ _I am going to go and see her again. I plan to leave tomorrow.”_ At this, Indra’s eyes widen, but she took a minute to compose her before responding, “ _Heda, is that wise? With so many of our warriors wanting her dead, and the fact that you are spending a lot of time with her could lead to someone challenging your command.”_ Her words were carefully chosen and tactful in their delivery.

She paused, realising that she needed to put the needs of the tribe ahead of her own personal feelings. Or did she? She felt conflicted, being torn apart from the inside, war being waged across her body.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Clarke stabbed deep into the body of the deer, yanking downwards and spilling its entrails all over the snow. She began to begin removing all the skin and all the organs to the deer, botching it completely, leaving a red, muscular slab of meat left. Just as she was about to begin slicing up the meat into chunks, the sound of someone approaching caught her attention. She waited, listening, watching. Out of the bushes to the left of her camp, came Bellamy crashing through the bushes, almost tripping. Happiness began to rise in Clarke’s chest.

Slowly she rose, wiping the knife on to the skin of the deer; she sheathed it and approached Bellamy. Seeing her, he walked towards her, wrapping her up into a hug. As they parted he looked at her, looking at her, checking for any injuries. Seeing that there weren’t any he smiled, Clarke smiled back at him, trying to hide her mental weaknesses.

For a few hours they talked, she asked about things that were happening at Camp Jaha and how everyone was, biting her lip when she learnt that Jasper was still angry at her for what she did. Bellamy took a deep breath, preparing to ask Clarke, already knowing the question before he even asked. “ _Clarke, please…”_ he began to ask, but she cut him “ _No! Bellamy, I can’t”_ a hurt expression appeared on his face, but quickly he responded “ _Why not Clarke? If it’s forgiveness you want you have it. What is it that is keeping you out here?”_ He pleaded with her, eyes searching.She matched his gaze and without emotion responded “ _Bellamy, I’m no longer looking for it. I have realised that I am not out here looking for forgiveness; I am out here looking for myself. In our time on Earth, I have had to adapt, to change, to overcome. But in doing all that I have lost myself, become someone different, and now I need to rediscover myself in this new world, I need to know who I am. I promise I will return to Camp Jaha, but for now I can’t.”_ With this remark, Bellamy left, dishearten at her response. It hurt Clark to see him leave, but she knew she was not ready, not yet.

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_Three days later_

Lexa had decided, she had chosen to carry on seeing Clarke. She had once put the tribe ahead of her own personal feelings and it had destroyed her and Clarke, she wasn’t willing to repeat the same mistake. The tribe could take care of itself for a week or so at a time, she wasn’t permanently leaving, just visiting others.

That’s what she had told herself as she left TonDC, that is still what she believed as she approached Clarke’s camp. She saw Clarke sitting by the fire, warmth filling her, travelling all along her body, up and down. She entered Clarke’s camp and sat opposite her, wondering what was wrong with Clarke, as she hadn’t yet greeted her. Bewildered, Lexa gently pushed Clarke. Clarke’s eyes snapped up, focusing onto Lexa instantly, slight scaring the other girl with the suddenness of their movement.

“ _Hi…”_ Lexa said, a little tentatively, Clarke seemed to snap out of a trance and saw her. She smiled at the sight, a questioning look on her face. Lexa continued, beginning to elaborate on why she was here _“To be frank Clarke, I am worried about you. Your…new…tendencies and…actions are unsettling. Clarke, there are warriors in my tribe who would love to take advantage of your current situation, so I have decided to teach you how to survive, to train you how to fight and hunt.”_ Lexa paused for a moment, letting it all sink in and waited for Clarke’s response.

In Clarke’s eyes there was a look of astonishment, only one outsider had ever been trained by the grounders, Octavia. A look of eagerness entered Clarke’s eyes, nodding respectfully. It pained Lexa to have to do what she was about to do. She reached into her kit and pulled out a container, containing a small black liquid. Offering it to Clarke, she said “ _For now you must rest, this potion will allow you to sleep, for you will need your strength.”_ Clarke shrugged, taking the vial and down the liquid in one gulp. Not ten seconds later was she vomiting up in the bushes, spewing up the content of her stomach, by the fire Lexa wept, upset at how she had to deceive Clarke. With her final strength, Clarke crawled over to Lexa, a hurt look in her eyes, making Lexa’s heart want to burst “ _I’m sorry”_ she whispered “ _But you have to face your demons Clarke, your deepest darkest demons.”_ As Clarke faded into the darkest recesses of herself, Lexa cradled her head on her lap, cooing to her softly.


	6. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke can no longer run from her demons. Its time for her to face them head on, but will she forgive Lexa for what she did?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are metaphorical demons, key parts in the structure of Clarke's personaltiy.

Chapter 6

'I was made to rule the darkness'

 

_Clarke tumbled through darkness, screaming Lexa’s name as she fell. She bounced of invisible sides, colliding with the darkness, enveloping her. Suddenly, she smacked into a floor. Dazed, she looked around at her surroundings. White walls with drawings on them, a bed in the corner and a doorway with a small slat on it. She began to tremble, her whole body shaking, for she knew this place. It was her cell. The cell she had on the Ark, the cell she had spent a year of her life in, without contact from the outside world. She screamed with agony, the memory of being trapped in her returning vividly to her._

_“HEY! Would you mind not screaming, I am trying to relax here!” a voice from behind her shouted. Clarke spun around, bewildered. In front of her was…washer younger self, just after having been thrown in her. Clarke’s mind was sent reeling; she stumbled backwards away from herself. “Oh please, it’s not like you haven’t ever looked in a mirror before.” The other girl stated. Clarke struggled to respond, trying to think what to ask first “W…who…where am I?” she asked, deciding it was the best one to go for. The other girl just rolled her eyes, as if it was the stupidest question ever, before responding “In your subconscious of course, where else?” Clarke took a moment to just accept that, and then continued “And who are you?” For the first time, a sweet smile appeared on the other girls face “Why, I’m innocence of course, yours to be precise”_

_Clarke, know truly baffled, couldn’t respond, just trying to get a grip on everything that was happening. Before she could respond, the door opened and in stepped…Lexa? She stood there, looking the same as when Clarke had first seen her. Anger boiled up inside of her, but it was quickly extinguished, being replaced by one of deep love for the image of Lexa. Behind her, Clarke could hear innocence say “Don’t mind Love, she has that effect on others” Clarke was struggling here, “So…” she asked “Are you my emotions or what exactly?” Suddenly Innocence was sitting right next to Clarke, “Well” she began “We’re a bit of both really, we represent your mental state, breaking it down into its basic forms allowing for you to understand it more easily.”_

_The image of Lexa, Love, raised an eyebrow at the explanation, but didn’t add to it, instead signalled for them to follow her. As Clarke was about to leave, Innocence held her back for a second, placing a knife in her hand and whispering “Remember Clarke you’re here to slay your demons” before following after Love through the doorway. Clarke hid the knife, breathed and followed through stepping out onto the ground outside. Clarke spun round, where her cell should have been, instead there was the drop ship and she was no longer on the Ark, but instead on the ground._

_She turned back around and gave out a small shout. Standing in front of her was her father, looking like he had just before he had been floated and she began to feel all of the pain that she had experienced, new and old, feeling like her heart might give out. Turning around, Love saw Clarke and the image of her father, shouting “Sadness! It’s rude to sneak up on people. Come on the others are waiting for us.” The image, Sadness, mumbled an apology and half-heartedly followed on after Love and Innocence. Clarke’s head was beginning to hurt, and she didn’t like the sound of these ‘others’ that were waiting for them._

_As she stepped through the main gate of their old camp, she blinked and suddenly appeared in Camp Jaha. No longer bothering to question the physics of this reality she found herself trapped in, she carried on after the three in front of her. They all stopped as they came up to the medical tent of the camp, looking down at a figure curled up in a ball near the entrance. Innocence prodded the figure with her foot, causing them to look up. It was Marcus, or an image or whatever thing he represented, just the sight of him made Clarke realise all the evil and death she had come across, making her want to curl up and die, just to escape this world. In a soothing voice, as she bent and gently rested a hand on Marcus’ shoulder, Love said “Come on Horror, you just need to keep moving and not think about it, to meet with others as well.” Slowly she helped to raise Horror up on to his feet; he looked broken, tested by the surroundings he lived in. They proceed to enter further into the tent._

_Clarke, expecting another teleportation was court off guard when they carried on into the tent, not jumping somewhere. The way everything worked here appeared to be random in its working. As she caught up with the others, she saw that the medical beds weren’t empty; people in horrible poses lay there, unmoving. Somewhere burnt by fire, others burnt by invisible flames, their skin beginning to peel. She felt like she had caused all of this, that it was her fault that the people were all lying in these beds, slowly dying. She saw one person standing by a bed, looking down at the injured person she rested her hand on the body and with the other, she put a pillow over the face of it, pressing down hard. The person on the bed didn’t struggle, but instead just lay there, going limp. Innocence carefully walked over to the figure and wrapped her arms around her, whispering words into her ear. The figure turned and saw Clarke; it was Maya as she had looked when Clarke first saw her. Innocence called over to her “Guilt, do at least try to keep up, it’s not your fault, there was no other way.” As they slowly moved towards the end of the tent, Clarke slowly began to notice the cracks appearing in the side of the tent, and in these cracks darkness was seeping in. She made a move towards it, but a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling her back. She turned to see Sadness there, shaking his head mournfully._

_As they exited the tent, the world shifted, turning into the dorm they had lived in at Mount Weather, looking like it had when they all left, the operating table still in the centre. A sudden sense of the need to get equal with those who did this, to hunt them to the ends of the Earth and brutally and slowly kill them appeared in her, coursing through her veins. Horror recoiled away from the table, while Sadness’ head just lowered further than it already had, even Innocence seemed to quieten and change. A figure stepped from the shadows, still wearing the suit he had worn that day, Clarke’s heart filled with fire as she looked into the eyes of Cage, those cold, merciless eyes. Guilt seemed to stiffen, watching him like a rabbit caught in a car’s headlights, while Innocence spat at his feet, but forcefully indicated that he should follow. Innocence slowed down to catch up with Clarke, stating through gritted teeth “Revenge”, saying no more, not needing to, clear that he was not good news. The cracks in the side of the walls were starting to get larger and larger, more and more darkness seeping into this world, becoming harder and harder to avoid as it covered some of the floor._

_As Clarke stepped through the door, she stumbled, tripping over the rubble that lay thrown around the place, warped metal and burnt would lay all over the place. She realised she was in the crater of TonDC, just after the missile had hit, fires still burning in houses around the village. At the centre of the crater, a girl sat crossed legged starring out into the destruction, wearing familiar clothes. Clarke wanted to charge, to hit the girl, to tear her apart, fire coursed through her body telling her to charge, a rage so strong that it was almost impossible to resist. She felt it burn bright, out weighing any of the other emotions that she was feeling; even Horror seemed to be having difficulty resisting it. Only Innocence seemed unaffected, calling out to the girl “Anger!” causing the other girl to turn. Clarke gasped; it was herself again, the night of that the missile had hit TonDC, the night Lexa had told her to run. The others moved towards Anger, all but Innocence, who remained at Clarke’s side, as the others sat next to Anger. Innocence turned to Clarke saying “Here are your demons.”_

_In the sky, a huge crack, spanning the sky itself, poured darkness into the world, slowly covering it in darkness turning everything it touched to dust, causing it to collapse. Looking back at the six in front of her, Clarke slowly reached for her knife, drawing it out. Anger raised an eyebrow, clearly the leader of the six, asking “And what are you planning to do with that? To slay your demons? Is that what Innocence told you.” As she said the last part, she looked directly at Innocence, who failed to return her gaze. Anger laughed, it was a vicious laugh, one full of malice and hate. She looked direct into Clarke’s eyes, as she continued “Well, I am sure you’ve noticed that your sanity is tearing itself apart” as she said this, she pointed up to the crack in the sky, before she continued “Now, you could fix it by killing us six, making peace with Innocence and then spending years rebuilding your personality. Or, since I do not really like that idea of being killed today, I suggest another option. You make peace with us and not have to spend years rebuilding your personality.” Innocence had gone very white after hearing Anger’s option, but Clarke, shrewdly, asked “But what’s the catch?” Anger shrugged, a wicked grin forming on her face “You would have to kill Innocence”_

_Everyone held their breath, waiting for Clarke’s reaction, looking at each other. Innocence, desperation entering her, ran to Clarke quickly saying “Clarke, if you were to take their option, you would still be unstable…” “Much less so than you are now” interrupted Anger, Innocence looking frustrated continued “You would be a more complete person after killing them…” “However, a huge part of your personality would be dead” Anger again added. Both of them now looking at Clarke, unnerving her as how they looked almost identical, but distinctly different by nature and how they acted, waiting for her decision. Looking up, Clarke knew what she was going to do, somehow she had already made her decision, and she looked at Innocence, smiling as she drew her close, comforting her. A flash of darkness crossed Anger’s face. But suddenly Innocence jerked back, blood pouring out of an open wound made by Clarke. Slowly she fell, but Clarke caught her and slowly lowering her to the ground, looking into Innocence’s eyes Clarke said “Yu gonplei ste odon.” Then she quickly jabbed the knife into Innocence’s neck, severing the main artery, watching the light fade from the other girl’s eyes. A stabbing pain shot through Clarke’s body, causing her to writhe in agony as it burnt through her mind, her very soul. When it passed, she got up and walked over to the six, sitting with them, shuffling around to create a complete circle. Slowly, each one joined hands, slowly being absorbed into Clarke’s body, until it was only Clarke and Anger._

_The other girl looked at Clarke and started to speak “By choosing not to kill us, you have managed to fix your personality, but we will take control, you will be considered ‘unstable’ but all we do, we do for you, since we are sharing the same body as you.” Nodding, Clarke absorbed Anger, feeling more complete than she had in a while. Looking up she saw the darkness focus on her, moving towards, enveloping her. She soon stood in a storm of darkness, swirling around her, twisting and turning. Slowly she raised herself hand, the darkness following it, mirroring her movements. She brushed her hand against it, suddenly is shrivelled in onto her attaching itself to her, being absorbed into her. As it disappeared, slowly, she began to be fly up into the sky, flying towards the heavens._

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Lexa was slowly stroking Clarke’s hair as she gasped and spluttered awake, her eyes taking a while to focus. Seeing Lexa, Clarke pushed her away, keeping her at arm’s reach. This hurt Lexa like no knife could, cutting deeper than any blade could. She went to speak, but Clarke beat her to it, asking “Why Lexa? Why would you lie to me? Why would you hurt me? Are you so focused on ruining me” hurt clear in her voice, the anger disappearing. Lexa began to respond “Clarke, I did it for you; you were unstable flipping from one extreme to the next, endangering others and yourself.” As she said this, Clarke made a move to get up and leave, having been hurt by Lexa enough. Lexa desperately began to yell “CLARKE! Please don’t leave, it hurt me as much as it hurt you.” But Clarke continued to carry on walking towards the darkness, Lexa let out a sob and shouted “Clarke, don’t go…I did it for you Clarke.” But still Clarke carried on, walking further and further away from Lexa. In one desperate attempt Lexa yelled “Clarke, I did it because I care, because…I…because I love you Clarke, I couldn’t see you suffer anymore.” Clarke stopped. She turned to face Lexa, tears in both their eyes, she slowly, she began to walk back to the camp; she sat down in front of Lexa and looked into her eyes. Calmly she responded “Lexa, I love you too, I always have. But how can I trust you? After everything that has happened, how can I open up to you?” Lexa was taken abash by this statement, but responding quickly by stating “Because I would do so for you, if you would only asked. I would go through hell for you, I would face death for you, for me there is nothing that would ever stop me loving you.” Lexa looked into Clarke’s eyes, into her cold eyes and waited for her response, biting her lip. For a minute nothing happen, then Clarke leaned forward and kissed Lexa, softly on her forehead, before moving away again and over to her bed. Lexa sat there dazed, confused and hopeless out of her depth as she watched Clarke drift off into to a peaceful sleep, not realising the pact Clarke had made with her demons.


	7. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After months of training, Clarke faces a test from the Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little chapter just to ease into the next one.

**Chapter 7**

'Practice is the hardest part if learning, and training is the essence of transformation'

_Three months later_

Spring was in the air, small leaves began to sprout out of the trees in the forest, bringing it all to life. A different splashes of colour here and there, dark yellows and greens, shrubs returning to the forest once more, covering tracks. Animals had returned from their sleep, the sound of birds could be heard, as they sang to one another, darting between trees, deer tracks were once again a come sight in the forest.

Lexa was walking towards Clarke camp, once again. Over the past three months she had split her time between Clarke and her tribe; some of her warriors were beginning to notice her absence, but they hadn’t fully discovered what she was up to. Not yet. She stopped, the hair on the back of her neck tingling, goose bumps running down her spine, sensing someone. She turned, drawing her sword in the process to block the incoming sword.

She parried the next strike and the third, but on the fourth she ducked under it and slashed down towards her assailant, forcing her on to the defensive. There Lexa began to try and chip away at her defence, employing a whole number of strikes to do so, slashing and cutting, lunging and stabbing, trying to get inside her opponents guard.

As she went for another strike, her opponent ducked under her sword, making her own attempt at Lexa’s guard. But Lexa was prepared, quickly brushing past the assailant, getting her leg behind theirs and sweeping them from under her. As the assailant rolled, Lexa knocked the sword out of their hand and pressed her blade against the throat of the assailant’s neck. Slowly her opponent raised her hands in defeat, taking off the cloth around her face.

Clarke peered up at Lexa, an annoyed look across her face. Lexa smiled, sheathing her sword and helping Clarke to her feet, returning her sword to her. Clarke sheathed it and walked with Lexa back to camp. “ _You need to work on your counter-attacks, don’t give the enemy a chance to figure out your next move before you can perform it”_ instructed Lexa; for the past few months, Lexa had been instructing Clarke on how to survive, how to fight.

Clarke was a fast learner, one of the fastest Lexa had ever seen. She was quickly becoming more and more adapt at fighting, becoming better with the sword and other tools of death. Hunting was improving to, she could now track, kill and skin the prey she finds, better than she did last time anyway.

As the day went by, training continued Lexa teaching Clarke new moves and testing her on her current ones, she showed her which nuts and plant were dangerous to eat, she showed her how to make clothes out of animal skins and furs. As shadows grew and night fell, Clarke started a fire that she and Lexa sat at, cooking their food above the flames. Clarke still didn’t fully trust Lexa, she couldn’t bring herself to, no matter how hard she tried; it hurt Lexa, deeply that Clarke couldn’t trust her.

As the night grew in strength, Clarke went over to her furs, not bothering to take her clothes off, and slid under them, thankful of the warmth they provided. Lexa looked over at her, love and regret filling her eyes, she sighed, wishing that Clarke would trust her, that Clarke would show her love back. There had been nothing since the kiss Clarke had given all those months ago, since then she was constantly stone walled every time she indicated the conversation was going that way.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Clarke stood by the eighteen graves, looking down at all the unmark lumps in the ground, knowing Wells was in one the lumps. She felt empty, looking at her failure, at all the people she had failed, regretting her decisions that led to her death. She looked up and saw Charlotte standing near one of the graves, her death directly caused by Clarke’s actions. She may have stopped the horrors during the day, but her nightmares were still fair game, no-holds barred. Slowly, more and more of the 100 appeared before her, those that had not made it, the ones that died in the battle at the dropship; all of them._

_They didn’t speak, they didn’t need to. She knew why they were here, yet still no one spoke, not a single sound was heard. Finn didn’t appear; he never did, not after she killed him. Twice. They opened their mouths one at a time, inky blackness pouring out of them. It slowly moved towards Clarke, in a slow manner, taking its time. It needn’t have worried, she couldn’t go anywhere in this nightmare, she was rooted to the floor. Slowly it rose, taking the form of someone very close to her, always the same person. Her heart would always beat faster at this moment in the nightmare, and then the liquid struck, forcing itself down its throat, causing her to choke and splutter._

Clarke snapped awake, a cold sweat having broken out all over her body, drenching her and her clothes.  She rolled over, and saw Lexa lying next to her, having snuck in beside her. Clarke shook her head, before kissing the other girl on her forehead, gently. Slowly she crawled out of her side of the furs and exited the camp, wanting to be alone for a while, if only to think on the nightmare she had had.

The forest was dark and eerie at this time of night, not a sound was heard from any animals around, as if they were hiding something. Quietly she moved through the forest, trying to not make a noise, testing herself. Suddenly she felt a presence near hear, and extra breathe to every one hers; steadily she turned, hearing bushes rustle and shake. In the darkness two green eyes stuck out, looking at her with hunger in their eyes. She realised that it was a panther-like creature, like the one Wells killed while they were rescuing Jasper. She didn’t make any sudden moves, but slowly she reached for the dagger she had tucked away in her belt, quietly drawing it out of its sheath.

Suddenly the panther leapt at her, eyes flashing with evil intent, claws swiping through the air, promising death.  She ducked, swiping with her dagger, cutting the beast. It let out a snarl, turning to face, changing its tactics, charging in close, going hand to hand.  They danced and dived, claws and dagger trading and exchanging, murder in the eyes of those involved. Slowly, very slowly Clarke’s cuts began to sap the strength, slowing it. But it was far from finished, the creature tackled her, swiping at her face, catching her with a half paw, opening up her face with three gashes along her left cheek. She ignored the pain, blood dripping from the wound and down her face, but she continued to stab the panther, aiming for vital areas. The panther sent her sprawling, leaping on top of her, pinning her. It looked down at her, about to take a bite out of her face, she put up her to stop it, feeling it bite her hand. She screamed and stabbed up into its head, watching it eyes roll into the back of its head. It collapsed on to her, trapping her under its weight. She let out a sigh, before rolling the body away, allowing her to get out.

She heard dripping, a slow beat, tapping a gentle rhythm. She looked down and saw the source, her little finger was gone, a jagged bit of bone sticking out in its place. She didn't move, slowly she flexed her left hand and all the pain came crashing in, sending her to her knees, screaming.


	8. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa face their past and the scars hidden below the surface, the time has come to heal old wounds.

Chapter 8

'Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.'

  _Lexa heard the screams, the sound of battle raging around her, but all she focused was the ripa (reaper) in front of her, blood caked his face and his armour. He charged at her swinging his axes wildly, almost catching her, Lexa fell back under his onslaught, falling down onto the forest floor. He came at her again, swinging down with all his all his might, but then he jerked, letting out a gasp before falling over, landing right beside her; Costia was standing there sword dripping in blood. Costia reached down and help Lexa up, the two sharing a quick embrace before continuing the fight, running of into different directions of the fight._

_As the battle raged on, Lexa lost herself in the fight, slashing and silcing. Then she heard one loud scream pierce the battle, stopping her, she turned dredge entering her body as she ran to the origin of the noise, more screams originating from the warrior._

Lexa sat bolt upright, sweat covering her body, a wild look entering her eyes, panic seeping into her body. She looked around,  realizing Clarke wasn't around she exited the tent, seeing a fire was lit and by it lay Clarke, pale, dripping in sweat. Lexa slowly walked towards, noticing a glowing dagger beside Clarke; slowly Lexa rolled Clarke over and saw the missing finger, but how Clarke had removed the tip of the jagged bone with the dagger, cauterizing it. Quickly, Lexa bandaged the stump as best she could, now noticing the panther that lay beside Clarke for the first time; dragging her away, Lexa placed Clarke by the fire, slowly producing a potion to help Clarke regain her strength.

Clarke's eyes cracked open slightly, seeing Lexa's concerned facing looking down at her, slowly raising a potion to her lips, she shook her head, refusing to drink the potion. Lexa kept trying to get her to drink the potion, but each time Clarke turned away, refusing to drink it. Lexa, annoyed by Clarke's actions and knowing she need the potion, held Clarke's face, forcing her to look at her and took a sip of the potion. Letting go of Clarke's head, she slowly guided the bowl with the potion towards Clarke's lips, this time Clarke didn't refuse to drink it, slwoly draining the bowl. Lexa began to gently stroke Clarke's head, rooking back and forth as Clarke fell into an uneasy sleep, but Lexa couldn't join her, fearful of what was waiting for her.

..................................................................................................................

_Clarke was back at Camp Jaha, watching as the grounders prepared for Finn's execution, fires blazing around the pole he was tied to. Slowly she moved towards the gate, preparing for one last desperate attempt to reason with the commander, but she was stopped by Raven who offered her a knife, asking her to kill the commander. Clarke knew she couldn't do it, but took the knife anyway. As she approached the grounder camp, as sense of dread crept into her body, murderous looks coming from warriors as she passed, still wanting her blood. Slowly she approached commander's tent, the guards standing by the entrance following her in._

_And there she sat, the commander, an aura of strength and power radiating from her, but underneath that, hidden away, Clarke sensed something else, something hidden. For five minutes she tried to convince the commander to let Finn go, offering herself in his place, but still the commander refused. Knowing what she had to do, Clarke asked if she could say goodbye, steeling herself for what she was about to do, what she knew she had to do. As she approached Finn, she slid the knife out from where she hid it in her sleeve, careful not to drop it or let the grounders see it. She wrapped Finn up in a hug and told him what she had always with held from him, before plunging the knife in between the third and fourth rib, shaking._

Clarke's eyes flickered open, seeing Lexa still awake, staring out into the forest. Dawn was braking, birds began to sing in the treetops, calling to one another in their beautiful voices, making their presence known. Slowly Clarke looked down at her hand, noticing the missing finger on her hand, trying to understand why she still felt like it there. Slowly she rose, feeling her body ache from the fight. She turned to face Lexa, who gently followed the three cuts on her cheek, careful not to open them up.

Lexa pulled back, her dream having sparked bad memories that still haunted her, Clarke saw it in her eyes, no matter how hard Lexa tried to hide it from people. Clarke remembered Lexa talking about someone else she lost, before Clarke came to the ground. "Didn't sleep?" asked Clarke, seeing how tired Lexa looked, Lexa shook her head in response, "Nightmares about her?" she asked, careful to be diplomatic. Lexa eyes hardened slightly, caught off guard by the sudden question, struggling to with whether or not to answer Clarke's question. Slowly Lexa opened her mouth, then closed it. Then she spoke "Before you arrived, when I was Anya's second, I was... I had feelings for a fellow second, Costia. My time with her was one of the happiest I had ever had. We spent a lot of time together hunting and training, preparing for our command. On the first hunting trip we went on, our party was ambushed by reapers. We struggled to fight them of, with many of our warriors being killed or worst, but during the battle Costia was injured. So I dragged her away from the fight, hiding her in a nearby bush, but after the battle, she wasn’t there, they had taken her. Months later I discovered her, the mountain men turned her into a reaper. I was forced to end her fight." at this point Lexa began to trail off, her hard exterior falling away, showing the damaged person underneath. Lexa continued in a whisper "I failed her" looking down at Clarke she continued, with more of her original self, "But I won't fail you".

Clarke looked back at Lexa, feeling secure in her embrace. For a while neither of them said anything, they just sat there taking strength from each other damaged, broken, presence. Then Clarke scattered the silence with three words that shocked Lexa "I forgive you." Lexa stopped breathing, hope charging round her body. She held Clarke closer, feeling the rift between them lessen. Lessen, not disappear.


	9. Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke faces revenge-fueled foes, but in the midst of the death discovers her new self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING this chapter has a few dark moments, but signifies an end to the darker times. For the moment...

Chapter 9

'Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.'

_Six months later_

Indra crashed through the tent flaps, almost smacking into Lexa, breathing heavily, trying to speak but unable to get the words out. Lexa placed a hand on her shoulder, helping her to a nearby stool. Indra grabbed Lexa’s shoulder, squeezing her tight, only managing two words “Found…her!” sudden Lexa began to feel a shiver run down her back, she moved heading towards the exit, but Indra again grabbed her, having recovered some of her breath, pulling her back “You can’t stop them, they went hours ago, you went get there in time.” Lexa felt powerless, rage coursed through her body, screaming bloody fury at her, standing up she faced stating “When they return, I will punish them, I will have their heads!”

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Clarke was crouched low, seeing the deer dead ahead, slowly she raise her bow towards it, an arrow notched and ready to bring death. The deer looked up at something in the bushes and sprinted off, cursing Clarke’s attention turned towards the bushes were the sound came from, watching them carefully. She turned, hearing something in the bushes behind her, refusing to let her fear get the better of her; she calmly backed away from the sound, making sure not to make a sound. A hand shot out and pushed her back, knocking the bow out of her hand and sending her sprawling.

Quickly she rose to her feet turning to face her attacker, not sure what to expect. Out of the bushes surrounding her, seven warriors appeared around her in a circle, surrounding her. The leader stepped forward, eyes full of hatred “You burned 300 of our warriors; you thought you could escape punishment? The commander isn’t here to protect you now.” He said through gritted teeth. Clarke shrugged simply replying “If you play with fire, you have to expect to get burnt” enraging him further.

He charged, surprisingly quickly for his size, colliding with Clark, pinning her to the ground trapping her. As he reached down, Clarke squirmed, managing to get some leverage before tossing him to the side, allowing her to start trying to get away. But he grabbed her ankle, pulling her back towards him, as she turn, she saw a wicked look in his eyes, lust slowly seeping in. He grabbed the waist band of her trousers, her heart began to race; she wriggled and fought even harder, trying to kick him away. He dodged her attacks, slowly, but surely, managing to pull down the waistband of her trousers.

Horror crept into her body, she screamed “Get OFF!” doing everything she could, but slowly he dragged down her trousers. Panicking, her reflexes took over; she reached to the side of her waist grabbing her dagger and threw it, hitting him square in the groin. He stopped, shocked as he looked down; quickly Clarke raised her leg and smashed the knife in further, causing the warrior to let out a scream of pain, bending forwards, exposing his neck. Using the three fingers of her left hand, she reached up and pried open his jaw, grabbing the inside; while with her right hand she reached round the back of his head and twisted. A loud snap was heard as his neck broken.

Clarke pushed herself up, pulling up her trousers and picking up her sword from where it had fallen. She turned to face the stunned six warriors, not giving them a time to react she attacked, sending an onslaught of strikes towards the second warrior. She brought her blade down across his body, before spinning, slicing across his stomach, his entrails spilled out onto the ground, in vain he tried to stuff them back in. He fell to his knees as his intestine spilled out the wound. Clarke kicked him in the face as she passed, moving onto the third warrior behind him.

This one was ready, his axe raised as he went to meet her, slashing through the air towards her, Clarke parried and return with a strike of her own. They traded strikes and parries, Clarke acutely aware of the others slowly surrounding her; again the warrior raised his axe, but as it slashed down, Clarke dodge, grabbing the wrist of the warrior. Her sword flashed and his hand flew up in front of her face, showering her with blood.

And in that moment, the universe seemed to stop for her, every cog held in place as the hand flew into the air, drops of blood being thrown out from the stump. She looked into the dark crimson blood, seeing herself in its reflection, covered in the blood of the dead warriors. Slowly beside her, figures appeared beside, the six demons she had left, standing there next to her, smiling. Anger slowly raised her hand, placing it on Clarke’s shoulder and whispering in her ear. Clarke’s eyes widen, the words sinking in.

Then as fast as it happen, time snapped back to normal, the screams of the third warrior reaching her ears; quickly she raised her left hand and grabbed the axe still clutched in the floating hand. She brought it and her sword slashing across the warriors head, removing it from its body, a look of pain still stuck on the face of the warrior. She turned towards the fourth warrior coming at her, ducking under his first and second strike, parrying his third strike. After a minute of trading strikes, Clarke saw an opening, quickly ducking his strike and hacking at one of his legs, bring him down. As his mouth opened as he screamed, allowing Clarke to ram her sword down his throat, trapping it.

She had to turn to the fifth and sixth attacker with only the axe; she weaved and dodged between the two attackers as they struck at her. One of them over stepped his lunge, losing his balancing and falling over, Clarke quickly dispatched him, smacking the axe into his ribs. She spun around, facing her sixth attacker, charging. But as she neared, rather than tackling him, she dropped, diving between his legs, cutting off one of his feet with her axe. He screamed as he fell, clutching the bloody stump that was what was left of his foot, until Clarke hacked at his neck, silencing him.

She turned to her final assailant, who was no very pale after watching his fellows just be massacred in the space of minutes. Nevertheless, he moved towards Clarke, duty rather than courage pushing him forward; he didn’t get to take two steps, Clarke flung the axe at him, hearing the sickening sound as it buried into his chest, breaking or cracking bone and cartilage in its way. He fell to his knees, making a horrible wheezing sound as he lay there, Clarke turned back to the fourth warrior’s corpse, yanking her sword from his throat.

She turned to the seventh warrior, ending the horrible wheezing noise with a quick slash from her sword, wiping the blood off onto his clothes. She wrenched the axe out of his chest, collecting the sheath from the third warrior, strapping it onto her. She began to return to camp, knowing that it was time, but stopped, turned to look back at the bodies, a devious smile played across her lips. She decided she could indulge in one little last bit of savagery…

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

_Next day_

Words failed Lexa, she just stood and stared at the sight in front of her, a ground had formed near the gate entrance horrified by what the sentries had found in the morning. Indra rushed to the front, specifically requested for by Lexa, but as she saw the sight she stumbled to a halt, jaw dropped.  The sight stunned some of the most hardened warriors; they may have seen worst, but nothing on their front door step, nothing like this.

In front of the gate were seven spikes, seven severed heads stuck on top a spike, but above them hung the headless bodies dangling above them, a public disgrace, a warning. Lexa didn’t know what horrified her more, the actual act itself or who committed the act, clearly these warriors had not realised what they were doing when they attacked Clarke. Indra leaned towards Lexa, and failing to think of anything else, said “Well... you did want they heads.”

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At Camp Jaha, the morning guard shift was greeted by a surprise, a figure sitting in front of the gate, patiently waiting in a hooded robe. As they approached, the figure slowly raised their head, to the astonishment of the guards, who quickly proceeded to open the gate as fast as they could. Clarke shrugged of the robe as she entered the camp, picking it up and putting it into her bag; a cry went up as Bellamy ran forward, wrapping Clarke up into a hug, whispering into her ear “Welcome home” Clarke smiled in return. She now knew who she was,  who she need to be to survive, to lead; she needed to be strong, she needed to hide her weaknesses, she needed to be….ruthless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to make the next ones a little bit less dark than previous chapters, not by much.


	10. Repair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally able to express their true feelings for each other, but events so take a dangerous turn.

Chapter 10

'The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.'

_One week later._

                The sun had set long ago as Clarke left the camp; her life had returned to normal, boring normal, sometimes she felt shrink wrapped against the reality of the word outside the gates. So that’s why she had these late night hunting trips, not just to avoid going out with incompetent guards, who stumbled through the forest, not knowing what to do, but to see the outside world at one of its most dangerous times. Guards moved far out of her way as she moved towards the gate, many of the people in Camp Jaha were divided about her, some slunk away in fright, while others looked down on her for abandoning them.

As she entered the forest, she immediately headed towards her old camp, knowing a location nearby that was teeming with deer. She moved quietly through the darkened woods, her ears listening for any sounds of animals nearby, her eyes well adapted to the dark, searching for animals. She was keenly aware of her missing finger, having been treated by the medics back at Camp Jaha, she would sometimes go down to scratch it only to realise that it wasn’t there, yet still feeling like it was.

Ahead of her, she saw blue light fill the air banishing the darkness away, seeming to appear out of nowhere. She moved forward, curious at what was causing the light, slowly she moved forward, careful to not make a sound; as she neared, a gasp escaped her as she looked around at the butterflies. The blue butterflies giving of the light in the darkness, she felt the bow slip from her hands; such was the wonder the butterflies caused. She had never quite seen anything like it, during her time with the 100 or alone.

She heard a noise behind her, a small step, a breath released; she turned, unsheathing her dagger, ready to fight. Lexa stood before her, the blue light reflecting perfectly off of her face; Clarke returned the dagger to its sheath, suddenly feeling foolish, but unsure why she did. For a moment neither of them said anything, either out of lack of things to say or not sure what to ask first, Clarke decided to break the silence “Where you following me?” she asked Lexa, watching her closely. Lexa seemed surprised by the question “No, I was just…er…coming to see the butterflies” responded Lexa; Clarke raised an eyebrow unconvinced by what she said.

Once again the silence fell, awkward by its nature, neither sure what to say now. Suddenly the butterflies began to land on Clarke, lighting her up in their blue light creating an awe-inspiring image. Clarke looked down as the butterflies slowly began to cover her body, hiding her clothes underneath them, making her look like some supernatural figure made out of a blue energy. She looked up into Lexa’s eyes and suddenly felt something she had felt in a long time, a sense of loneliness.

Neither said a word, but more passed between them than could ever be said by them, an understanding; a transaction of feelings that cannot be forced. Clarke stepped forward, dispersing the butterflies.  As they flew off, for a moment, they seemed to from wings behind Clarke, blue wings; it made her look like some godly, divine being, stunning Lexa. Clarke continued to step forward, her heart aching from loneliness, from being broken so many times by the ones she had loved. She stopped centre metres from Lexa’s facing, trembling, unable to control herself or her feelings.

They pressed their foreheads together, breezing in heavily, feeling each other’s presence and aura, their broken presence, their dark auras. Clarke realised, after so long, why she felt a pull towards Lexa, why she felt different around her; they were the same, they might think they’re not, but no matter how hard they try to hide it, they will never be able to. They were both broken, damaged by past experiences; both looked at for leadership, yet often not sure of what to do; they were both survivors, how struggled against the odds weighed against them. They would both do anything for their people.

Clarke leaned forward and kissed Lexa, pulling back slightly after a few seconds, not sure where to continue from here. But then Lexa took control, pushing her back against a nearby tree and passionately kissing Clarke, their bodies pressed against one another, their very spirits trying to join together. They stayed like that, coiled around each other, for minutes, taking pleasure in each other’s company. Clarke felt her heart strain against her ribcage, threatening to break through it and to carry on, trying to get closer to Lexa.

For hours they stayed there, lying together, no longer kissing; just lying next to each other seeming to repair in each other’s presence. Slowly, they drifted off to sleep under the stars wrapped around each other for warmth. Clarke had never felt this whole or safe in her life.

As dawn banished the night, Clarke and Lexa were woken by the sounds of someone crashing through the woods, making an awful racket. Clarke looked at Lexa and indicated that they separate, in case it was one of their people searching for them. They parted with a kiss, before sprinting off into different directions. After a few metres, Clarke spotted someone, a guard from her gap. Slowly she rose out of the bushes, and headed towards him, catching his attention and quickly ducking when he suddenly fired. Immediately her reflexes took over, she rolled behind a tree, grabbing her bow and notching an arrow.

She twirled out from behind the tree and loosed the arrow, catching the guard square in the chest and sending him sprawling. More crashing came from the side as other guards came running towards her, guns raised. But then Bellamy appeared, yelling at them to lower their weapons, realising that it was Clarke and not a grounder. Slowly she returned her arrow to its quiver, the situation becoming clear and very unfortunate for the guard.

Suddenly out of the bushes crashed a grounder, bloody and broken with scars and jagged, misshapen bones extruding from his body. Clarke ran to his side, quickly realising he wasn’t going to make it. She reached for dagger, aiming for his throat; she whispered to him “ _Yu gonplei ste odon. (_ Your fight is over)” bringing the dagger into the side of his throat. As he slowly bled to death he managed to whisper a single word “Panau…”

Clarke’s eyes snapped open with surprise, the word sending shivers down her spine, but the warrior died in her arms before she could ask any more questions. She turned to Bellamy and the guards, her face a deathly pale, “We need to leave, now; quick back to the camp. Go!” the guards looked at her, confusion clear across their face. One even asked “Why? What was that he thing he said and why should we run?” clearly he wanted to spend more time outside the camp in the wild, probably thought he was some kind of tough-guy. Clarke stepped up to him and smashed him in the face with her fist, knocking him over, shouting “DEATH! That is what is coming, so do you really want to be here when it come?”

The soldier picked himself up and leaned against a tree, dizzy from the hit. All the other guards took the lesson for what it was and began to fall back to Camp Jaha as quickly as they could. Suddenly a roar broke the natural sounds of the forest, turning the guards’ faces as pale as snow, Clarke looked at them, watching them suddenly quicken back towards camp. But then a second scream rang out, a scream of defiance and fear, Clarke felt like someone had just ripped out her heart and squashed.

She turned towards the origin of the sounds, indicating Bellamy to carry on back to camp, before running towards the direction of the scream, grabbing her bow and notching an arrow, throwing fear and caution to the wind. 


	11. Achievement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke faces the most dangerous foe yet, while something dark is forming at Camp Jaha.

Chapter 11

'Only the impossible is worth doing.'

Clarke darted through the undergrowth, jumping over roots and ducking under low hanging branches; her bow was drawn, notched with an arrow, ready to kill. But Clarke knew it was futile, bullets hadn’t pierced Panau’s hide, how would and arrow have any different an outcome. She prepared herself for what she might see when she arrived, prepared for the horror. She began to see signs of Panau’s passing, bits of people strewn around the place, an arm hanging from a tree, everything splattered with blood. She just hoped that their deaths had been quick, yet she doubted it would have mattered much.

She burst out of some shrubs and stopped, seeing a body lying limp in the distance. She trembled, feeling her almost shatter into thousands of pieces; quickly she ran over to the body, fearing the worst. Slowly she rolled the body over, holding her breath. It was Lexa. Clarke felt her world begin to fall apart around her; a sob escaped her lips as she started to cry. Suddenly a hand grabbed her wrist, looking down she saw Lexa looking back up, life barely clinging to her broken body. Clarke clenched her hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze.

Then she heard it. The roar, created from some primal depth inside a being, manifesting as a truly terrifying sound. Clarke turned, seeing the silver-backed gorilla looking at her, murder in its eyes. She grabbed her bow and let loose and arrow, hitting Panau right in its chest; but the arrow bounced off of his hide, only managing to enrage him further. It shook its head, and then charged, roaring as it went. Clarke drew her sword and charged, a valiant effort, if a futile one. It swept its hand wide, sending her flying away, crashing through a tree and sinking into a snow bank. There she lay, struggling to breath.

She heard Lexa’s terrified scream and slowly saw Panau walking towards her, moving in for the kill. Clarke saw Lexa try to defend herself, try to crawl away, just try to do something. A dark energy filled Clarke, coursed through her body, burning away the fear and the desperation, taking hold. Her fist clenched, blood roared through her body now, her heart began to beat faster and faster, beating a deadly rhythm. And through it all, she heard a quiet voice in her head say “No” Clarke pushed herself to her feet, powered by some inhuman inner strength.

She turned towards Panau, taking the pistol from her hidden holster, she fired. Shot after shot hit Panau, the casing falling to the ground around Clarke, as she slowly walked forward towards the beast. The bullets did as much damage as the arrow, but it got Panau’s attention. It turned towards her, hate and bloodlust filling its eye; Clarke stared right back into them, her eyes filled with darkness, her darkness. This time she ran at it, feeling the cracked ribs inside her chest complain and whine, but she ignored them anyway, drawing her sword.

Panau swept at her again, but Clarke dodged the blow, slashing at the creatures hide. The sword left a gash in the creature’s side, but it attacked her again, unfazed by the cut and the blood dripping from it. As Clarke dodged attacks, she would cut the beast, but none of it seemed to matter, still the beast came for her, and it showed no sign of slowing down. As the beast came at her again, she swung at Panau, hoping to get a deeper cut; but the gorilla caught the blade in its hand, snapping it and sending it flying off into the undergrowth.

Clarke heard Lexa gasp, but still stood there; ready to face Panau, ready to fight until the bitter end. Clarke rolled after the next attack, running towards her quiver lying by Lexa. She grabbed and arrow out of it and turned to face Panau, defiance in her eyes. When it came for her, she jumped up, straight towards its head. She slammed the arrow right into the creature’s eye, twisting and hearing the sick sound of being ruined. Panau screamed with pain, thrashing around, but Clarke held on to the arrow for all she was worth.

Panau flung its arms back, trying to catch her and smash her brains against the ground, but Clarke was too nimble and easily dodged the attempts it made to grab her. She shifted her hand from the arrow to the head, grabbing on to parts of it in an attempt to hold on better. Suddenly, Panau flicked its head to the right, violently flinging Clarke off of its back, but still she held onto its head. Her momentum carried the fling onwards, even after Panau stopped it, twisting Panaus head a hundred and eighty degrees in the wrong direction. Clarke heard the snap as Panau’s neck broke. The body swayed and collapsed, lifeless. Clarke pushed herself off the corpse, her body shaking from the adrenaline in her system, her breathing ragged from the cracked ribs and most certainly damaged lungs. She turned and stumbled over to Lexa, looking down at her battered body.

Carefully she bent down and gently lifted Lexa onto her back, feeling broken bones shift in place. She collected her bow and quiver. She then placed Lexa down on top of the body and began to drag them towards, the closer, TonDC. The journey was difficult, made worst by her injuries and the huge body of the gorilla, yet for some reason, she felt that it was important, that she need to take it with her, as a sign of her achievements. She struggles to breath, making the journey longer than it should have been. Eventually, after what seems like an age, she arrives at TonDC; the sentries open the gated for her, jaw dropped at the sight. Indra rushes to her, seeing Lexa, she gestures for the healers to take her to the healing tent. Then she sees what Lexa was lying on and stops, staring.

Indra drops to one knee, facing Clarke. Clarke is stunned, unsure of how to respond to this act of respect. Indra whisper “Panau” bowing her head; slowly all the other people in the village follow, whispering the same name “Panau…Panau…Panau” even great warriors show her respect. Clarke looks back at Indra, searching for answers, a questioning look on her face. Indra, seeing the look, elaborates “We are honouring your deed and greatness by giving you the name of a mighty foe, the highest honour we can give you.” Clarke felt a rush of pride go through her body at the sound of these words, seeming to stand slightly taller.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The soldier lay face up on the table, wincing at the pain caused by the arrow to his stomach. A figure approached, blurred by the morphine given to him by Abby, the figure looked down at him and asked “Is she dead?” the soldier responded with a slur that could barely be made out to be a speech. Giving up, the soldier vaguely moved his head from side to side, giggling at the nauseating effect it caused. The figure fists clenched in rage at the failure of the soldier and his annoying drowsiness, they moved their hand to cover the soldier’s mouth and nose, but thought better of instead opting to give the soldier more morphine from the nearby bottle. Minutes later a doctor rushed in to try and recover the soldier, who had seemed to have a bad reaction to the morphine given to him, stopping his heart.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

_Three days later_

It was ready. It had taken three days to make and create, but it was ready. She slowly put it on, wincing at the pain caused by her injuries, slowly putting each part on. It was jet black, seeming to meld into the darkness and shadows, as if it was one of them. The fur was soft, but seeming to have a mind of its own, letting out more heat went it was hot and less when it was could, a side effect of years of radiation. But the part she loved most was the hood; it slid perfectly over her head, covering most of her forehead. A counterpart had been made for the lower side of her face, a ring of dark skin that could easily be slid over the lower half of her face. She had new daggers, forged in a stronger metal, with bones hilts.

Slowly Clarke examined all the items, carefully storing each one in its correct place; then she strode out of the tent, into the sunlight. A crowd had gathered and a collective gasp went up at the sight of her attire, of all the new clothing created out of the dead gorilla. Near the gate, Lexa sat in a chair, somehow having survived her wounds, but confined to sitting for now. As Clarke walked through the gate, their eyes locked, respect and love passing between them, before Clarke turned and head off into the forest, seeming to be absorbed by the shadows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to apologies for the lateness of this post, I have been under a lot of stress lately and would just like to thank everyone for all the kudos the give. Writing this allows to me relax and help relieve me of some of the stress. If there is anything you would like to see in this story feel free to ask me in the comments below, and I will see if I can right it into the story.


	12. Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Camp Jaha stands on the edge of chaos and ruin, a plan is created to try and draw it back from the edge.

Chapter 12

'Disaster is a natural part of my evolution toward tragedy and dissolution.'

_Two months later._

Camp Jaha was in a crisis. Food was in shortage, medicine was running low. The people were beginning to become agitated about the shortages, they were becoming more and more violent with each passing week. Clarke did what she could to end the shortages, she hunted several times a week; she searched for plants and herbs that might help act as medicine. A few disliked her for returning, for taking command of the survivors; they hated her.  Worst still, grounders and arkers seemed to come into conflict during hunts in the forest.

The small council were meeting more and more often, issues of order and control always ruling the agenda. New members were added to try and help balance the council’s focus in the camp; no vote had been taken yet, but for big decisions everyone looked at Clarke for the answer. Currently, they were struggling to solve the current crises in Camp Jaha. One of the new members, Nester maybe, was going on and on about how they need to increase the farm work force or decrease average rations given out. He was clearly implying that the workers should lose out, so that he could keep himself round and fat; Clarke disliked him, he always looked for a way to make more money or to help improve his current standing.

A rough currency was currently implicated in the camp, although many people just swapped items with each other. There were also rumours of a black market being formed, but no proof and evidence to back up the claims made by informants who supplied the information. So the small council wasted time by sitting down and hearing half-baked suggestions; Clarke had grown bored after the first thirty minutes of Nester speech, and had spent the last hours sharpening her daggers, much to Nester’s annoyance. Poor Monty and Jasper looked bored out of their minds, having not realised the implications of joining the council had meant; both fiddling with objects to distract themselves.

Finally Nester came to the end of monologue, and was quickly hurried off by another new member, Siegfried, who said “Thank you Nester, that was a very…enlightening set of options you gave us.” For his part, Nester looked rather hurt responding “Alfred, my name is Alfred.” Siegfried looked a little embarrassed, saying “Yes, of course, I mixed you up with somebody else.” Alfred seemed indignant at the thought of being compared to someone else and stormed back to his seat. Siegfried clamped his hand together, getting everyone’s attention and moved quickly to keep it. He turned to Clarke, making sure he had her full attention, before starting “I have been thinking long and hard on this issue, and I believe that I have discovered our best option.” He paused, hoping to create drama or interest. It didn’t. Seeming to have deflated a little, he continued “I believe that there is a large amount of food left in…Mount Weather” at the mention of Mount Weather, he gained the interest he was looking for. Then the council erupted, people arguing and shouting at one another; all through it, Clarke sat and continued to sharpen her knives.

Sighing, she stood up and slammed her fist down on the make-shift table next to her, breaking it. Everyone stopped and looked at her. Feeling a little self-conscious Clarke said “Oops.” Slowly she moved away from the table, sheathing her dagger; she turned towards Siegfried, asking “Are you sure?” His response was immediate and firm “Yes.” She nodded, then looked at Marcus, who had recovered from his shock after the events in the Mountain, saying “I want a team of ten guards and five volunteers to be ready by the gate in an hour” and with that she left the room, preparing herself for the return.

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The woods were quiet; Clarke led everyone through the forest. The five volunteers suddenly look a little less confident than when they had volunteered, crouching behind the accompanying soldiers. Clarke tried not to smirk at their fear, it was unfair to them, she felt more alive than she did in the camp; she felt confined in the walls of the camp. There was a rustling in the bushes near one of the soldiers, who flinched almost firing off his weapon; slowly he reached into the bush, picking up a large fur ball. Upon closer look, it appeared to be some kind wolf like animal. Yet its fur seemed to shift colour, going from green to yellow to black; the soldier laughed, looking at the creature closer. It snapped at his face, taking his nose and a chunk out of his face, he screamed throwing the pup away and held his face in his hands, the blood flowing through his fingers. Clarke turned, and walked towards the guard, slowly bending down and picking up the lone pup, looking at it. It tried to bite her, snapping its jaw on thin air. Clarke laughed, grabbing the pup by the scruff of its neck and dropping it into the sack she was carrying for supplies. It struggled against the inside of the bag, wriggling and turning. The group carried on, save for the guard who was sent off back to base and another one accompanying him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

The huge door slowly opened, swinging on its massive hinges. Clarke looked into the darkness, feeling like it was looking back into her. She pushed forward, hiding the fear supressed inside of her, leading the group into the darkness. They made their way towards level five, preparing themselves for what they might encounter. Slowly they made their way down the stairs, flares and torches lighting their way; many of them were looking peaky at what awaited on the other side of the door.

Clarke pushed the doors, peaking inside the level. She stopped and stared. There were no bodies, they were all gone; nothing left behind. Clarke couldn’t comprehend how this could have happen, dead people don’t tend to move; it’s highly irregular. She moved inward, looking around at the rotting food lying on the table, she indicated to her team to check around this level, seeing if any other food was left here, preferably not rotting away. Clarke carried on into the dining room, checking for anything related to the bodies; bones, blood, even clothes. But there was nothing. Then she saw it, the axe lying on the floor. It was a deed red colour, splattered with blood; she faltered, mid-step, recognising the making of the axe, the colour scheme and style.

She turned to the guard next to her, indicating to go get everyone else. Then she heard it, the scream…

Out of the mountain stumble six of the original group, sprinting for their lives, the scream of the wounded and dying following them. At the rear, Clarke fought of the Reapers, slashing and stabbing. Then she turned and sprinted away, the roar and taunts of the Reapers from the door. All the volunteers were dead; not having been able to fight of the Reapers, most of the surviving guards had turned and ran rather than fight. Clarke had killed several, but retreated as she was soon to be swamped by them. The pup in her bag had not helped at all, struggling and trying to bite the bag, it had made life very difficult for her.

The survivors sprinted off into the forest, scattering in the wind. Clarke rose after them, determined to try to keep them together, hoping to prevent any more from being killed. She followed after them, rounding up most of them before they made it too far; she directed most of them towards the camp before running off to find the next one. They weren’t hard to find, crashing through the undergrowth, make a racket as they went. As she was following the last one, someone crashed into her from the side; but not in an attack, more like they were running from something and didn’t look where they were going.

He collapsed to the ground, covered in scars and blood; most likely his own. He breathed heavily, in a disjointed and broken way, wheezing with every breath.  Clarke’s medic reflexes kicked in, rolling the man over onto his side, searching for any broken bones or dislocations. He grabbed her hand and pulled her close, whispering into her ear “Run…”


	13. Messenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Clarke questions the prisoner after he has woken up, and is unsettled by what she discovers.

Chapter 13

'When you were a child, I didn't tell you about the evil in the world, all that lay in wait.'

_Two days later._

Clarke rushed towards the med bay, dodging past frantic people all bustling to and fro. Her wolf cub was hot on her heels, snapping at anyone who would get to close; it still required a lot of training, and even then it wouldn’t be completely trained. The bond between her and the cub, it was more like a bond between the Alpha male in a pack and another male, not a bond of love, but instead one of strength. It had snapped at her several times, even attacking her once, but she was more than a match for it, easily pinning it.

A small doctor quickly stepped out in front of her, only to be run over as she sprinted past, sending him sprawling. She stopped quickly just to make sure he was okay.  He had a dazed look on his face, but his eyes focused upon seeing Clarke. He quickly grabbed her arm, almost as if to stop her from running off; she stood and waited for him to catch his breath before he asked “Clarke, may I call you Clarke?” Not waiting for an answer he carried on “I just need to give you a quick medical exam, just to give a third opinion on the matter. I am afraid these tests are mandatory, so you have to do them.” Clarke sighed, rambling some appropriate response along the vague lines of ‘yes’ the doctor smiled and replied “Well that’s great. Oh, by the way my name is Dr Komashi, just pop in when you need to see me.” Clarke nodded and tried to make it seem like she really cared or that she even had time for the appointment.

She carried on down the hallway, people starting to move out of her way after they saw Dr Komashi go flying when she collided with him. She headed towards the quarantine area, where two guards were stationed outside the room; one of them almost made an attempt to try and stop her, having been told to allow anyone in, but he checked himself when he saw the wolf beside her. Although it was not very big, stories about its viciousness had already spread around the camp like wildfire, with the unfortunate guard still bearing the scars of the wolf’s bite. The door opened with hiss as Clarke step through, fresh air flooding in to replace the old. And there he sat, staring at her with a penetrating look, going right through her. He saw her demons, and she saw his.

Slowly she approached him, unnerved by his unblinking stare; she slowly descended the steps towards his bed in the centre of this room. She opened with a question, no time for needless formalities, “In the forest, you said ‘run’ what should we be running from?” He laughed at this, a cold heartless laugh echoing around the room. He stopped and responded in a hushed voice “A man, like no other; he leads his people on a great march, from one great ocean to another. His horde is vast, a creation of stragglers and rejects, hell bent upon destroying what remains of civilisation and anyone who would oppose him. He lays waste to those who do not agree with his terms when he sends a messenger. You best consult your fellow leaders, war is coming and it’s going to be brutal.”

Clarke swallowed at his blunt and unsettling by its bleak nature. She pushed aside her emotions, feeling the calm swash over her, smashing them away. She looked into is eyes, wanting to see his response, and asked “What about your village?” the man stiffened at this question, seeming to relapse into some horrible memory. He collected himself, and Clarke saw pain enter his eyes, a consuming pain. His response was simple “Would I be here if my village still existed?” his breathing became irrational, his voice started to get louder and louder “Our walls fell before the tide of raging warriors, our forces were no match for their sheer weight of numbers; I saw my family burn, trapped inside our house as it caught fire. Their screams still haunt me at night. And then I see his face, his dark eyes reflect the burning fires in our village; yet he remains still as a statue, unmoving, unfeeling. He looks down at me; hate and contempt clear in his eyes, in his face. I realise then, he doesn’t care about demands; he just wants to watch civilisation burn. He calls himself Khan, like the great warrior long ago.”

Clarke remained still for several seconds, her mind racing with possibilities and plans. She turns to go, but pauses for a second, looking back at the man in the room. She asks him one simple question “What is your name?” for a few seconds he doesn’t respond, seeming to decide whether or not to trust Clarke. Not getting a response, Clarke turns to leave heading back towards the door, but he shouts after her “Artiem. My name is Artiem.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

_Two hours later_

Lexa leaned on the tree, thinking over all the information Clarke had just given her about Khan, and she was worried about what it meant for the future of her tribe. From Clarke’s account, it sounded like Khan would issue his demands before he actually attacks any of his victims; she needed to hear these demands to understand what he wanted. But Clarke had not come to share the news with her, instead she had wanted to check on the alliance between the Arkers and the Grounders; Lexa knew what her answer was, no had to be.

From her village ran one of her warrior, a dark scowl across his face. He found Lexa and Clarke and informed them of the arrival of a messenger from Khan, who demanded to speak with the leader of the tribe. Lexa hurried back to the main gate, Clarke hot on her heels. As she approached TonDC, she saw the messenger sitting atop a horse by the gate; he was dressed in armour, as if he was about to ride into battle. He radiated strength and destruction from him, the very animals seemed to have fled from his presence; this was a man who was listened to, not questioned.

He turned his head towards Lexa, he looked past her, as if she was of no more trouble than an ant, but he became fixated on Clarke, who matched his gaze with one as equally unsettling. Lexa was angered at his lack of respect. As they stopped, he spoke, not allowing them to say a word, “The great Khan is approaching. If you do not wish to be crushed like insects, then offer food and water to him. If he is unsatisfied with the offering, he will lay waste to your tribe. Furthermore, an offering of one woman, of child-bearing age is to be offered to him as a token of your good-will.” With that, the messenger left, galloping off into the forest.

Lexa turned towards Clarke, dreading Clarke’s reaction to what she was about to say “Clarke, I am going to meet their demands.” Clarke’s eyes snapped on her, trapping Lexa in their gazes, and with barely restrained anger, Clarke said “What? You can’t, the food and water I could understand, but the girl. Who are you going to give to them, as a slave! That is what they will be, nothing more. How could you even think about agreeing to their demands?” Lexa responded coolly “I have to do what is best for my tribe Clarke, we can spare the food and water. We will find out some way to fairly pick who will be given to them.” Clarke shook her head in disbelief, not quite comprehending what Lexa was saying, “And what about me Lexa? My people can’t afford to meet any of his demands, we are already suffering from food shortages, and we can barely feed our own. So we’re going to have to fight, and die, without your help, on our own.”

Clarke’s fists clenched and unclenched, her whole body was tensed, anger coursed through her veins. Lexa couldn’t even respond to Clarke’s last statement, her head bowed in sadness. Clarke spat at Lexa’s feet, hating herself for letting Lexa get to close to her again; the blindside attack, the dagger in the back, the snake in the grass. Clarke turned and jogged back towards Camp Jaha, hoping no one had seen the tears in her eyes.


	14. All roads...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the world begins to crumble into chaos, Clarke struggles to remain on top of everything as it collapse. Tensions rise as Clarke and Lexa face off.

Chapter 14

''After all, if you do not resist the inevitable, you will never know how inevitable the inevitable was.'

One hour later.

       The council was in chaos, Clarke's news split the council. People argued over what they were to do next, half wanted to fight to the bitter end, or preferably defeat Khan and his horde, the other half wanted to reason with him, maybe offer or share some technology in return. The split seemed very clear, what was left of the original hundred versus the others who landed in the ark. Even though the divide was equal in the council chamber, the adults represented a larger portion of the population than Clarke and her friends did, thus they spoke for the majority of the people in the camp.

        Clarke sat on her chair as usual, her cub lying down next to her, gnawing on a bone from a deer. She doesn't mind the chaos, to her it brings out people's true intentions and feelings, things they may hide in peace. She watches on as the council squabbles between itself, people arguing and insulting one another. The only hope for the camps safety, ironically damaging it with the arguments. Alfred turns towards her, moving away from the group. He raised his finger, aiming it directly at her and shouted "You! Its your fault, you angered her." Her wolf club sprang forward, snarling at him, feeling threatened by his sudden approach. Everybody stopped. Alfred suddenly looked very different, he broke out into a cold sweat, but he dared not move to wipe it away. The wolf slowly began to advance, crouched low towards the ground, ready to pounce. Clarke finally stood up, and stepped between Alfred and the wolf, but the animal payed no attention, just changed the target. It pounced towards Clarke, fangs and claws raised. Clarke, with all her strength, hit in the exposed underside, knocking it off course, into her chair. The cub untangled itself from the chair and turned to face Clarke, baring it's teeth, it's fur changing from black to bright red. Clarke just stood still, staring the wolf down, daring it to try again. Minutes went by as Clarke and her cub tested each others will, trying to stare each other down, everyone else just watched quietly from the back of the room. Eventually the cub backed down, turning back to the bone it had been gnawing one. Everyone sighed in relief.

       Clarke returned to her chair, pulling it upright and casually sitting on it. The quiet remained in the air, no one dared to break it, to unleash the bottled chaos and watch as it slowly destroys the council from in. They looked at her, expecting some master plan to form, some creative and genius way to save them from their current predicament. She had none. Calmly she sat in her chair, looking right back at them. Bellamy broke the silence, stepping forward to speak. " I believe that I speak for most of us who believe that we can't pay the demands this Khan has asked for." At his words, many of the adults grumbled at what he said, but didn't voice their concerns afraid to start the fight again. Bellamy continued "However, there is no way we can fight him alone, not with the size of his army, which we learned from Artiem. The Grounders can not be relied on for help, as they are planning to meet the demands." Alfred at this point stepped forward turning to face Bellamy, "I'm sure this man could be reasoned with, that we may be able to bargain with him." Alfred said. At this Artiem stepped out of the shadows, causing most of the council to jump in shock; he had taken to become Clarke's bodyguard, shadowing her every movement and following everywhere. Clarke wasn't quite sure why he had volunteered for this job, she had been away when he had volunteered. Back at his village he had been a smith as well as a warrior, a great honour in his culture, for smiths held to arm the tribes warrior's and thus were key to the defence of the tribe. He rarely spoke to anyone apart from Raven and a few other engineers and mechanics often interested in their designs and creations of tools and, more importantly, weapons. Now he spoke, in a tone that suggested he had seen the world for what it was. Dangerous. "He will not accept. He will not bargain. It is either comply or die." He kept his sentences short, to the point, like stating a fact. Alfred stepped back into the group, seemingly put down by what Atriem had said. Bellamy carried on, seeming to ignore what Artiem had just said, "If the Grounders do meet his demands, then we're finished. But I believe that we can force the Grounders to help us, with out them knowing it was us." Clarke sat forward, interested and worried at the same time about what Bellamy was planning or suggesting they should do.

           Everyone became focused on Bellamy, his plan was exactly what they were looking for. As he told them about his idea, others volunteered themselves and other to complete certain parts of the plan. Suddenly Bellamy was interrupted by Clarke "No! We can not do this. Begging them for help I could do, but burning down their food stores, its...its...unpredictable. If they, no, WHEN they find out it was us, they will attack us maybe even side with Khan. Furthermore there is no guarantee that they will choose to fight, and if they do, what if we lose? Could you carry on with the knowledge of all the people that died because you tricked them into fighting?" Bellamy turned to face her, he knew what she said was true, but he also knew they were out of options and running out of time. He decided to go on the offensive in his response, yet making sure not to attack Clarke herself just her argument, they were still friends "That all maybe a possibility Clarke, but we don't have any other choice. In a few weeks, a month if we're lucky, he will arrive with his army and destroy all who oppose him; if by that time we are not ready or do not have an alliance with the Grounders, then he will destroy this camp, which we have fought so hard to keep. I will not let him do that, this is our home now, this is where we live, this is what we fought for Clarke, when we first landed on the ground." Clarke could tell when she was outnumbered, she saw how the rest of the council supported his plan and wanted to go through with it. She stood up and made her way towards the exit, calling back to them "Fine, go ahead with it, but I will have no part in it."

            She felt another headache coming on, she had them at least twice a day now, a perk of being in command no doubt. Then she remembered that doctor she had met in the corridor, Dr...Komashi maybe, or something like that, she can't exactly remember his name, but a medical check m ay not be a bad idea. She start to walk towards the exit, but stumbled bracing herself against the wall. Her head was on fire, it took all the strength she could muster to not collapse to the floor. She staggered again, having to keep a hand on the wall to prevent herself from falling. Slowly, very slowly she pushed herself away from the wall, and tentatively took a step forward, then another. After five minutes of this slow crawl she made her way towards the medical bay, careful not give away any sign of the pain she felt in her head. She walked past doctors treating their patients, family members waiting for people to be released, and then the few, with tears along their faces. She looked around the place, searching for the doctor. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see him standing right behind, smiling at her.

 

 ............................................................................................

           Two hours later A guard burst into Lexa's tent shouting "Heda! Come quickly, there is a fire in the food stores, all of our meat and grain is burning." She sprinted out of the tent, knocking the guard over in as she passed by; she smelt the fire before she actually saw, the smell of burning wood and meat. Then she saw the building, engulfed in flames as people stood there watching it burn; a few people were trying to put the flames out with buckets of water, but they had little impact on the flame itself. Indra appeared at her side, a worried look on her face. She pulled Lexa aside, out of ear shot from the people by the fire. Indra was clearly worried about what she going to tell Lexa, "With the burning of our stores, I don't think we will have enough to feed ourselves...Lexa, we can't pay Khan any food." She whispered. Lexa didn't respond immediately, she thought for a moment. Then she asked Indra "How did the fire start?" She needed to know the answer, yet she didn't want to, she was afraid of what it will mean. "It looks like an accident Heda, maybe the wind caught some embers from a nearby fire." Lexa was already walking back to her tent, grabbing a nearby warrior as walked giving him a order, before sending him off. She carried on towards her tent, Indra moving to catch up with her; Lexa spoke as she walked "It wasn't Indra, it was deliberate." She explained to Indra what she thought had happened. Indra was silent as Lexa entered her tent, before Lexa disappeared inside Indra asked "What will you do if Clarke admits to the fire?" Lexa turned, a dark fire in her eyes and murder on her mind, she strapped on her sword around waist and disappeared inside the tent for the rest of her armour.

............................................................................................

           Clarke exited the doctor's room, quickly exiting the medical bay. She returned to her room, entering it and locking the door behind her. Her wolf was curled on the floor, blending in to the surround floor, its chest gently rising up and down as it breathed. She turned to look at a shelf, looking at all the trinkets on it, but one thing in particular caught her eye; gently she picked it up and looked at it. It was a small origami figure, a two-headed deer, made of black paper. Sometimes she would sit and just stare at the small figure, sometimes wishing she could turn back time, to change what happened that night. Suddenly a loud banging from the door startled Clarke out of her memories, she opened the door, seeing an out of breath guard standing by the door. She had to wait for the guard to catch her breath before she could deliver the news. It took a while. The guard looked at her before telling Clarke about the messenger and his demands; Clarke closed the door, dread filled her as she began to prepare.

 

           She attached the belt to her waist, sheathing her daggers. She clipped her axe to waist and sheathed her sword. As she left the camp, people moved out of her way, worried by the sight of her. Her black bristled in the wind, making her appear larger than she was; her wolf ran next to her, eager for a fight. As she left the gate, the guards saluted her as she left. She didn't return it. Instead she reached up and pulled the hood down across her forehead. If death looked like a person, it would look like Clarke now as she walked into the woods, preparing herself for death. She came to the clearing, the one where Clarke lived in herself imposed exile; it still had remnants of Clarke's time out here. On the opposite side stood Lexa, sword drawn staring at Clarke. Their eyes locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, been struggling trying to write this passage and fit it all into the story arc I have got going. Furthermore, I have recently changed some of the tags; IMPORTANT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE! This is the warning. No one is safe.


	15. ...Lead to Rome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa begin their final encounter, while back at Camp Jaha a hidden group begin to make their moves for power.

_'One always wonders about the roads not taken'_

...The space between them seemed to shrink, yet they felt like they were worlds apart. For minutes, neither of them spoke, both being torn apart by conflicting emotions. Lexa was the first one to speak, trying to control her emotions, asking "Did you do it?" Her body seemed to tense up, preparing for the answer, but her eyes displayed her true feelings. She wanted, more than anything else, for Clarke to say no, to realise that it was just an accident and that she had been wrong. Clarke's response destroys any hope Lexa had. The two now stood, facing each other, preparing for what came next; Clarke slowly drew her sword and axe, seemingly unfazed by the thought of fighting Lexa. Lexa slowly raised her sword from the ground, putting any doubts or worries out of her mind. No demands or questions were issued, no explanation was required or given; they both knew what the answers would be, they would have done the same things if the places had been switched. Lexa was the first to attack throwing a hidden knife she had in her hand, flinging it towards Clarke; but Clarke dodged it, rolling underneath it and sprinting towards Lexa, sword raised. She swung it down towards Lexa's neck, but Lexa parried it, not seeing the second swing from the axe in the other hand. She moved to late and was caught by the axe blade, cutting her stomach. She hissed in pain as she moved backwards, looking at the blood slowly dripping from her torso; they circled each other now, Lexa wary of Clarke's axe. Clarke charged again, but this time Lexa was ready, she bent down and quickly grabbed a handful of dirt, throwing it into Clarke's eye. Clarke stumbled as she tried to remove the dirt from her eye, dropping her sword in the process, giving Lexa an opening. She crashed into Clarke, knocking her down. Lexa quickly kicked Clarke's sword out of reach, before advancing on the other woman; she made a swipe at Clarke, who didn't manage to move fast enough to get out of the way in time, feeling the sword bite into her arm.

 

Clarke kicked out, smacking Lexa's knee and giving herself some breathing room as she pulled herself to her feet. Lexa rolled onto her feet. But she didn't move in to attack Clarke, instead she began to circle, looking for an opening. "Was it worth? Was all the damage worth it? Is this what you wanted Clarke? When you made that decision in the mountain, did you see it ending like this?" Lexa asked, she had to know the answer. Clarke didn't respond at first, seeming to ignore Lexa's question, cautiously keeping away from Lexa's sword; Lexa moved towards her slowly, the tip of her sword scraping along the ground. Suddenly she burst forward, bring her sword up, threatening to cut Clarke in half; Clarke barely managed to block it with her axe, locking their weapons and bringing them close. As they struggled, Clarke respond "For my people, anything is worth their safety." Clarke then leaned forward and kissed Lexa, shocking Lexa and bring her guard down. Clarke's head connected with Lexa's face, sending Lexa sprawling, blood pouring from her broken nose; Lexa turned to face Clarke, her eyes narrowing to slits. She charged Clarke swinging like a madman, screaming her rage at being tricked. But now Clarke had the upper hand, dodging and ducking Lexa's wild strikes, patiently waiting for an opening in Lexa's defence. She saw it. Lexa took a swing at Clarke, but over powered the strike unbalancing her; Clarke darted in under her guard, grabbing her and knocking her sword out of her hand. She brought up her axe to strike at Lexa, swing it down towards her neck, hoping to end the fight; Lexa struck Clarke in the stomach, before trying to grab the axe out of her hand. They fell, rolling around on the floor, wrestling for control of the fight. Lexa came out on top first, with Clarke's injures hampering her efforts, she raised the axe preparing to strike. But faltered, a stunned and confused expression on her face, as she looked down to see Clarke's dagger sticking into her chest, blood slowly oozing from the wound. Clarke hit Lexa in the face, knocking her off; now Clarke was on top of Lexa, her fist smacking into Lexa's face, coming away bloody. Lexa struggled to defend herself, feebly raising her arms, trying to block Clarke's attack as they rained down on her, but Clarke battered through easily. Realising that she need to do something, Lexa reached down and pulled the knife out of her chest, grinding her teeth as she yanked it out, the blood now pouring out of the wound. When Clarke next attacked, Lexa raised the knife in front of Clarke's fist. It went deep into Clarke's hand, right between the knuckles; Clarke rolled away screaming as she wrenched the knife from her hand, her blood mixing with Lexa's. Lexa managed to get into a sitting position, but struggled to get up onto her feet; slowly she dragged herself to a nearby tree, propping herself up against it. There she waited for Clarke. Blood dripped from Clarke's hand now, falling to the ground and splattering when it landed; but Clarke didn't go in for the killing blow, instead she fell to her knees, exhausted. They stayed like that for a while, both damaged physically and emotionally by the fight that had just happened. Lexa was again the first to speak, blood starting to pool around her, "This is the only way it could have ended, you know, through all our choices and actions." She stopped for a second, coughing blood up, rasping with every breath. Clarke didn't respond, she just carried on kneeling where she was, her hand now covered in blood, turning it a deep crimson red; so Lexa continued "We're so very similar Clarke, you don't even realise it. But we do have one difference, one thing that changed us. Do you want to know what it is?" Clarke didn't respond. "We both have our own demons, we both have stared into the abyss that is our darkness. And when the abyss stared back at us, I didn't blink... But you… you embraced the abyss, allowed it to consume you..." At this Clarke final responded, yelling "Oh and I suppose that makes me the bad guy here, let's not forget who abandoned her allies at the time they needed her most. I do what is best for my people, I will defend and protect them to my last breath, even if that means sacrificing everything!"

Silence fell upon the two, as both of them absorbed what Clarke had just said and its implications. Lexa was the first to speak, fear very slowly seeping into her voice "Even me? Before this happened I mean." Clarke didn't respond....

_Meanwhile_

Dr Komashi flicked through the report he had on his desk in the medical bay, signing and ticking where it was required. A figure stepped from the shadow silently, before saying "Good evening Doctor." Dr Komashi jumped straight out of the chair he was sitting on, terrified about the sudden appearance of the figure. Seeing who it was, Dr Komashi relaxed, his heart starting to slow down. The figure stepped forward and placed a hand on Dr Komashi shoulder, asking "Why so jumpy Doctor? Scared of someone finding out?" His voice sending shivers down Dr Komashi spine. Sweat beginning to form on Dr Komashi’s forehead and trickle down his face, as he handed over a brown folder to the figure, who slipped it away to the inside of his coat. “Good.” The figure said; then fired the silenced pistol he had hidden in his pocket. As he turned to leave, abby entered the room from the other side slowly flicking through some notes she had in her hand. She looked up to see the Dr Komashi’s body fall of his chair and the figure standing over him, gun smoking. She turned to run but the figure raised his gun straight, at her saying “Please don’t.” Abby stopped mid-step, turning to face the figure. He fired two shots. He took a radio from his pocket and spoke to the person on the other side “It’s done, but now we need to move on to the next stage of the plan.”

Lexa had entered her death rattles, spewing up blood with every cough, slowly drowning in it. Clarke sat beside Lexa, too exhausted to care if the other girl tried to kill her; but as Lexa started to cough more violently, Clarke turned to look at her. Time was slowly slipping away from them, second by second. “After everything that we have been through, the love, the hate; the joy and the sorrow, it’s going to be difficult for me to go on.” Clarke said, regret driving her words. Lexa’s reply dripped with venom “Don’t give me ‘this hurts is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you’ speech, cause this hurts. A lot. I am not especially worried about how you’re going to carry on, considering you did a fine job of killing me.” Lexa’s harsh rebuke stung Clarke, but she did feel that she deserved it. Suddenly Clarke felt tears crawl out of her eyes and glide down her cheek, followed by more and more, until there was a torrent of tears, streaming down her cheeks and dripping off of her face. Clarke turned to face her, breaking down as all the pressure on her crashed down onto her, crushing her. She hugged Lexa; who was stunned into silence as Clarke held Lexa close, refusing to let go. Lexa did not move. She looked up to the sky one last time, as her final breath left her, the life disappearing from her eyes as she fell away from reality. Clarke screamed.

_Hours later_

A shadow stumbled towards TonDC, covered in darkness. The guard on watch woke his fell soldiers and Indra as he reported the news; soon every guard in TonDC was stationed on the wall, watching the figure slowly approach. Then they saw who it was, stunning them to their core. It wasn’t one figure, it was two, one was being carried by the other; the guards opened the gate as Clarke carried Lexa’s lifeless body into camp. Two guards appeared ran to her, taking Lexa’s body and putting it on to a stretcher, then covering it with a shroud. The rest surround Clarke, who seemed to have now life, an empty whole shell. Three of the guards moved in, binding her hands and wrists, before they dragged her off to her cell to await the morning. They tossed her into the cell and left one behind to stand guard. All through the night, Clarke didn’t move, didn’t sleep, didn’t do anything.


	16. Reckoning with our sins.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Clarke faces reprisal for her actions, Camp Jaha descends into chaos.

_'In every life, there comes a day of reckoning-a time when unsettled scores demand retribution, and our lies and transgressions are laid bare.'_

Tap-tap-tap-tap...Tap-tap-tap-tap...Tap-tap-tap-tap. Clarke’s fingers tapped out the rhythm in her head, the drums slowly getting louder and louder; with every passing hour her seeming end was getting closer. She hadn't slept at all that, she just sat there, staring into the void in front of her, tapping the rhythm. Dawn was slowly arriving, the sun having just risen over the horizon; streams of light made their way through the little cracks in her cell. Her right hand was still covered with blood, hardened now turning her hand a deep crimson. She heard the clang of the cell door as it opened, yet distant from, staring into the wall dead ahead of her, unmoving. Roughly the guards grabbed her and dragged her out of the cell, her feet sliding against the floor; still she felt like she was being pulled away from her body. Her vision blurred and blackened, she felt dizzy and tired, so very tired. When her vision returned, she was tied to a post; arms out to her sides, almost all of her upper body was bare. Before her stood the tribe, starring with rage and hatred at her, but in front of them stood Indra. Just off to the right was a pyre, decorated with shrouds and fur; on top of it lay Lexa, a blank expression on her face. Clarke knew what this was; the same execution she had saved Fin from, death by a thousand cuts. Yet she did not fear what was about about to happen; she didn't make a sound before it began, even when they began to cut her arms and her torso, beginning to cover herself again in her own blood, she still refused to let out a sound. As her vision blurred, and she slowly began to sag, she felt the last knife stab her, straight into the centre of her chest, she looked down to see blood pooling at her feet, slowly it began to crawl up her leg, begin to cover her body in blood; suddenly she was sucked down into the void, being dragged deeper and deeper into the water, going down, down, down into darkness. Then it disappeared. She found herself standing on solid darkness, nothing around her but the dark, no light penetrated it.

Out of the darkness strode a figure, dressed for war, yet deathly pale; blood seeping out of a wound in her side. she hobbled forward at first, before falling and disappearing into the black; then the floor beneath Clarke gave way and she fell down, spiralling through the blackness, bouncing off the invisible sides. She plummeted, her body caught fire, lighting the darkness around her, searing her body; she screamed as it slithered to her right arm, burning a dark crimson red colour. She waved her arm around, trying to extinguish the fire. She began to feel her skin slowly burning away, her blood beginning to boil. Then a voice came from the darkness, whispering in a language that Clarke had never heard before; slowly getting louder and louder, until it was a roar. Slowly, strange, glowing symbols appeared in the darkness, a green light coming from them. The light began to move towards Clarke, wrapping itself around her; coiling along her body and forcing its way down her throat. Suddenly Clarke’s eyes snapped open and she found she was surrounded by fire, quickly she rolled out of the fire and fell hard onto the ground; she heard a collective gasp from the grounders as she stood up, still smouldering. She looked down at her right arm; it was burnt terribly, the skin was warped, the forearm was now a crimson colour. She looked up to see the crowd kneeling before, she turned around and saw Indra at the front of the pyre, kneeling as well. Clarke began to move towards her, but then a wave of pain hit her, all over her upper body; she took a step forward and fell, landing in the dirt, unconscious.

That night. Camp Jaha was alive with fire, people suddenly turning on each other, striking down unsuspecting allies. Octavia ran through the fire and blood, searching for anyone left alive; searching for her brother. It was hard to tell who side everyone was one, he had acted quickly, as soon as Clarke had left the camp he struck; his first target had been the council, removing or kidnapping most of them. Then he started to attack what was left of the 48, most of whom had managed to lock themselves away inside the part of arc station; Artiem had been subdued and placed back into quarantine. Clarke’s wolf had taken down a lot of the enemy before it was shot to pieces by the revolt. Octavia headed for the gate, sprinting past the two guards there, breaking through their attempts to hold her back; she made her way to the forest, weaving to avoid any shots fired at  her. She dived for cover as the ground behind her was torn apart by bullets from the camp. She lay, hidden in the ferns and the shrubbery, waiting to see if the it was safe to run. Sounds of gunfire and fighting came across from the camp, while the night sky was illuminated by fires from the camp below. For the first time in a long time, Octavia began to cry.


	17. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke comes to.

_ 'The phoenix must burn to emerge' _

Clarke is surrounded by darkness, in front of her was a light on the horizon, just hanging in front of her; slowly Clarke began to head towards it, hoping to reach it. Yet as she got closer, it seemed to move further and further away, so she began to speed up getting faster and faster. Underneath her, bodies slowly began to rise out of the ground, one at a time first, but rapidly growing faster and faster; soon she was crawling over them, her hands beginning to get covered with blood as she climbed. Slowly the light began to dim as she raced closer and closer towards it. Soon there was nothing but pitch blackness, yet still she clambered over the bodies as she went higher and higher, soon becoming a compulsion, searching for the light that wasn’t there.

Her eyes snapped opened, as she gasped for air; a cold sweat began to break out as she lay in the bed. Clarke went to push herself up onto her elbows, but fell to one side. She looked down to where her left for arm should be, only seeing her arm end just above the elbow; it took her a second for her mind to register. Slowly, she pushed herself up using her arm and looked around the room she was, noting her clothes laid on a chair near the door.

A girl entered the room, holding a bowl in her hand. She stopped when she entered, seeing Clarke was awake and bowed to her before moving towards the bed. Clarke watched her cautiously, confused about what was happening. The girl grabbed a stool from the edge of the room a placed it next to Clarke, before sitting on it, the bowl in her lap. She picked up a cloth from the bowl, before pointing from the cloth to her forehead; Clarke understood and let the girl place the cloth on her forehead, realising just how hot she was.

Indra entered the room, motioning at the girl to leave. She sat down on the stool next to Clarke, and stared at her for a second, before saying “Clarke, this is hard to explain but...all the other nightbloods are dead, except a girl from Ice nation called Ontari, she killed them all in their sleep. She is now Heda of the coalition and has already began mobilizing the armies of all the clans to attack Camp Jaha. Clarke paused for a moment, unsure of how to respond to the news, then the door swung open and a girl riddled with scars and tattoos, she was flanked by two guards either side of her. The guards stopped at the door and turned around, barring the entrance; the girl in front of Clarke looked her up and down, her eyes lingering over the stump that used to be Clarke’s left arm. She smiled.

The girl turned to face Indra, who had knelt upon the girl’s entry and motioned for her to leave, turning back to face as Indra quickly left, brushing past the guards as she did. The two of them were all alone now, their eyes locked in some kind of contest of dominance over each other; neither was willing to back down. Finally the girl spoke, not even trying to hide the disdain in her voice “The great Wanheda. Look how far you have fallen.” Clarke didn’t respond, ignoring the girl’s insult, instead she studied her eyes, looking behind the mask that the girl used to cover her true self. So the girl sat down in the chair left by Indra and smiled, the smile of a hunter tracking its prey, saying “Are you going to try and persuade me not to burn your camp to the ground?”

Clarke just faced the girl and coldly replied “I am Wanheda, the destroyer of worlds, I have become death, you want me as an ally, especially with what is coming.” The girl eyes twinkled briefly, before returning to their cool gaze; she got up to leave, turning briefly saying “The name is Ontari, Wanheda, and I have the feeling this is the start of something...powerful.” And with that she left Clarke to her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking for a co-author to help write story, check all the work before it is posted and generally help with the plot. Needs to have a google+ account.


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